We have all been there. After the honeymoon phase has ended in a relationship, we start to notice little “quirks” in our significant other that we aren’t too sure we like any more. As time goes on, you realize you can no longer ignore them. The important question is, are these problems healthy?
When figuring this out, you must first ask yourself these questions:
1. Is he/she worth it?
2. Are you still willing to emotionally invest your time in him/her?
3. If the two are of you are arguing, are the arguments reasonable?
4. If you answered yes to #3, are either of you trying to manipulate the other?
5. Have you become a different person? Or have others pointed out a negative difference?
After asking yourselves these questions, think about how you feel. If you feel confident about your relationship and can ensure yourself that he/she is worth it, then the next set of questions may not apply to you. Yet, there may be some problems that the two of you have to work through, but I can assure you that the “makeup” is something to hold out for. Every relationship has its faults. You just have figure out whether or not the issues you are facing can be fixed.
If you cannot confidently say that your relationship is worth it, you may want to ask yourself these questions about your significant other.
1. Do you feel as if they have been trying to hide things from you?
2. Are you suspicious of how your significant other’s time is spent when they are not spending it with you?
3. Do they seem to avoid conversations that make things tense or uncomfortable?
4. Do they try to argue about everything the two of you ever talk about?
5. Is your relationship on good terms only around times when physical interactions take place?
6. Do you immediately become defensive over comments made about your significant other without considering what was being said?
7. And the most important question, do your friends and family like this person? (I know when you are young and in love, your parents opinions aren’t really taken into consideration, but trust me, they are the best indicator of whether or not your relationship should move forward!)
I know after reading all of these questions, you may not be comfortable or may just want to brush them off. However, if you answered yes to most of these questions, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship. In high school, I was in an unhealthy relationship—the guy was controlling and manipulative, and towards the end I began to reciprocate those negative actions. My friends and family hated him, but I chose not to listen to them. I found out later that he had cheated on me, even though he denied (or avoided!) any conversations surrounding that topic. I felt like an idiot, and worst of all, I had lost myself. All relationships are difficult to some extent. And if you listen to a good number of songs on the radio, you will learn that you aren’t alone. I would say the hardest part is deciding what to do when the two of you are arguing. A relationship shouldn’t be a pissing contest. It should be a compromise between two people. Either way, a healthy relationship should be like a body of water: Gentle to the touch but increasingly stronger as you dive in deeper.
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