Stress in college lives in various areas of our lives: approximately 30% from classes, 25% from those Friday night blackouts where you just might have made a fool of yourself, and a whopping 45% from that other species that coexists in the college realm – guys. College guys are an entirely different realm, and for most collegiettes, attracting their attention isn’t hard (guys are very visual creatures).
You’re out with that hot guy, having a great night, yet suddenly you feel the need to say something to him. To show him how much you trust him already; to cinch date number two; or maybe you’ve even been dating for a month now and you feel extra comfortable around him. In fact, you feel so comfortable that, as proof, you’re going to bare your soul to him. And BAM! Word vomit ensues. Oh come on, girls, we’ve all been there. And once word vomit begins, it doesn’t stop until every little detail you never thought you’d mention gets out. How much information is too much information?
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered. Here are some opinions from some real-live college guys at Pitt about what we say when we let down our guard– and what makes them want to scream “TMI!”
1. Past- Relationships:
We seem to have a subconscious need to prove to guys that other guys find us desirable. Guys never ever ever should think that we’re desperate and chasing them, right? But mentioning your past relationships to your current beau is not doing you any favors. Real-live college guy Dan* says, “I find it really awkward when I’m on a date with a girl I really like and she decides to mention something about her ex. Like, it could be something really small like ‘my ex used to order soup here too!’ and bam, I’m already thinking of how to wiggle out of a second date.”
Well, all guys might not take offense if you mention your ex’s favorite soup, but start mentioning how your date wears the same cologne as your ex or – god forbid – the same shirt, and you’ll be left sitting all alone before you can say TMI.
2. Mentioning Personal Problems:
When a guy praises us, we do something like this: “OMG HE LIKES ME, but wait will my parents like him? What if my sister hates him and makes me stop seeing him? OMG someone open a window I’m gonna word vomit! I really like you. I can’t believe you like me. I’ve never had a real boyfriend, I mean my family has a huge history of divorce; it’s like we chase guys away all the time. I mean, Great-Aunt Susie slept around a lot as a teenager and then she got a husband and an STD in the same year and he divorced her, but now she has a load of STDs and my gynaecologist…”
Real-live college guy Nick* says “it seems like half the time, when I tell a girl I like her, she tends to start shoving details of her personal life at me. I only wanted a second date, not an appointment to have dinner with her parents. Hearing about her unusual eating tendencies or her father’s uncontrollable burps at the dinner table isn’t my idea of first date conversations. Those can come later, though I’d rather not hear about some of the wonky stuff like, *shivers* gynaecologist appointments.”
So girls, save the family saga for a few months into the relationship. And let the STDs stay where they should – far from you and your love life.
3. Talking about Marriage or Kids Early in the Dating Stage:
We’ve all seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, and while showing a guy you like him is definitely a must-do, there’s a limit to how much you should say. It might seem like no big deal to mention how badly you want kids or how marriage is something you can’t stop dreaming about, but your date doesn’t need to hear that yet. Says real-live college guy Andy*: “It’s always a red flag for me when a girl starts talking about marriage. Or worse, about how much she wants kids. And sometimes she’ll even have names chosen for them. A first date is way too soon to talk about the future. I don’t even know if I want a second date with you yet, let alone a cottage by the sea and three children with my eyes and her cheekbones. At that point, I just think ‘Okay, I was happier before I knew about your fantasy married life. I hope to god I don’t have a place in it.'”
TMI, ladies, TMI. He doesn’t need to know if you want him to be the father of your children. Hell, he doesn’t even need to know that you like him enough to even dream about how cute your babies are going to look. Just stick to talking about your favorite pizza toppings and you’ll probably get a few appreciative looks from him.
4. The L Word:
Guys want to know that you like them. But sometimes, we get a bit too enthusiastic. It’s been a few dates, we’ve been thinking about him every waking (and sleeping) moment, and he’s been getting more and more perfect as the days go on. He looks like he’s going to be The One.
And then, you tell him that.
Real-live college guy Steven* says: “It always freaks me out when a girl tells me they love me after we’ve been seeing each other for a few weeks. I mean, does she really know me well enough to conclude that? We probably haven’t even had a really serious conversation about our post-college aspirations yet; it feels like too much information when I find out she’s that serious about me right in the beginning. And it’s a huge turn-off too. Don’t give us a reason to stop trying to impress you, gals. Guys like a chase.”
So there you have it. The next time you’re with your crush or significant other, don’t let word vomit create a knee-deep mess out of your relationship. Instead, play it cool and don’t let him know anything more than necessary. That air of mystery will go a long way.
*names have been changed for confidentiality purposes
Image Credit: 2, 3, 4, 5, others from Google images