First, we would like to thank all of our peers who cooperated in our efforts to find out exactly what is being taught to young people regarding rape. Rape is a personal and sensitive topic, but we find that’s why it is so important to talk about.
There are too many stories about rape victims feeling too scared to speak up about what has happened to them. There are too many stories about victims of sexual assault blaming themselves because they “wore the wrong clothes” or “put themselves in that position.” There are too many stories about people joking about rape, but refusing to talk about it as a real, prevalent issue in society. We want that to end—now.
First of all, what is rape? Rape, in the most basic sense, is a form of sexual assault where one of the partners does not provide consent to the sexual act. This includes, but is not limited to, sexual intercourse and penetration with any type of object against that person’s will and is subject to both women and men. Many people believe rape is about sex, but it is actually about power—the rapist is asserting his or her power over the victim through sexual abuse. This does not necessitate the rapist being a stranger. In fact, 2/3 of the time the victim is raped by someone he or she knows. Also, being unconscious means you have not given consent—if you are blacked out/passed out due to alcohol, a date rape drug, or other drugs, that is rape.
What, if anything, were you taught about rape and sexual harassment? From what we gathered, there are three general approaches that are being taken:
1. Parents teach their children, particularly their sons, to never touch, kiss, etc. someone without his or her permission.
2. Parents tell their children, particularly their daughters, to stay away from strangers, not to walk home alone at night, and never go home from a party with someone they don’t know.
3. Sexual harassment or the concept of asking someone’s permission to touch him or her is never spoken about. Children gather everything they know from experiences and hearsay.
Sadly, this list goes from least to most common method. Not many people are being taught much of anything about sexual harassment. Young women are being taught to protect themselves from being harassed in embarrassingly ridiculous ways—poking someone with a pen, carrying a “rape whistle,” dressing modestly because it will seem like she is “asking for it” by wearing scanty clothes, etc. On the other hand, young men are being taught completely different things. At best, they are taught to protect women and anyone being victimized. At worst, they are taught absolutely nothing.
We want to change this. Also, we are specifically talking about male-to-female rape because that accounts for 90% of reported cases. We believe in taking a more proactive approach: Why aren’t the majority of men learning that they have no right to rape women? Why are women basically being taught that rape or any other form of sexual harassment is inevitable and to just be ready for it? Why do many people pretend that rape always happens in dark alleyways by strangers when actually 2/3 of the time the victim is raped by someone she knows? What the what? We hope that makes an equal amount of sense to you as it does to us—that is, none.
So while we place girls on crazy curfews with dress codes to “prevent rape,” we seldom acknowledge who actually has the power in these situations. None of the boys we spoke to were ever sat down by their mother or father and in some way told, “Son, don’t rape.” The sense of responsibility is removed from the perpetrator and placed on plausible victims.
We think the preventative methods we speak about regarding rape and their female-specific intended audience contributes to our victim-blaming society. Only the most recent measures have been taken to remove the female’s wardrobe choices and sexual history out of the courtroom during rape cases. Victims are never questioned so… questionably… in other kinds of assault cases.
“I murdered him because he just looked so… murdery. It was what he was wearing. That is why I murdered him. He just looked like he wanted to be murdered,” said no one, ever. So why is this an excuse in rape cases?
Often rape victims replay the preventative measures they had been taught over and over in their head. The things they feel they should or shouldn’t have done can be so detrimentally overwhelming that it fuels their silence and discourages them from reporting the crime. But what it comes down to is that it doesn’t matter how many drinks you had or what flirtatious one-liners you tossed around beforehand. Once the line has been drawn, the line is law. We’re suggesting a movement to educate young men on how to act in these fragile situations.
If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted in any way, please get help through counseling, going to the hospital, or by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
For further reading: Sexual Violence Myths and Facts, Rape Is No Longer A Girl Problem, Ten Things to End Rape Culture
Sources: RAINN, Teen Health, Women’s Health
Photo Credit: Jezebel