One thing that has always bothered me about college relationships is the misconception that when you have a boyfriend you automatically have to become the “mom-friend” who no longer goes out and has fun without said boyfriend. Every time you go out, you end up having to wrangle your friends like cattle and make sure everyone still has all their fingers and toes. I love you, but I don’t want to be your mom! I want to be the same irresponsible friend I have always been. I completely understand why this happens, but I think we need to do away with the mom-friends. (Unless you want to be the mom-friend. You do what you need to do.)
I’m not saying this is your single friends’ fault – I know I have done this to myself on many occasions. I end up falling into the role of group mom, where it is very easy to get stuck. It’s comfortable there. It’s clean there. But you have to resist the urge!
In my case, I would say it’s much more my own fault than the fault of any of my friends. My friends have never pressured me to take on this role; I have done it to myself. It is a strange phenomenon and it sometimes takes a conscious effort to not fall into what I like to call “The Mom-Friend Trap.”
This actually happened to me last weekend when my roommates and I had some friends over, including my boyfriend. Everyone was having a good time and I was being nobody’s mom. Then, around 1 am, I went from being Jessa to Marnie from GIRLS (if only I were as amazingly cool as Jessa in the first place, but you get what I mean). I started cleaning my house like my parents were about to visit, chasing my drunken friends around, and picking up after them. I was running around like a chicken without a head, and everyone noticed. My boyfriend actually had to pull me aside and tell me to calm down and have fun. My friends looked guilty and sad that I had become the mom-friend yet again. Our friends ended up going home, and it was my fault that the party was cut short. I had fallen into The Mom-Friend Trap.
This brings me to my next point: no one really benefits from you being the mom-friend. No, I am not telling you to not take care of your friends when they need you. That isn’t being a mom-friend, that’s being a reliable friend. I am saying it kills the excitement of the party when we start cleaning up before the party has even ended. It makes everyone feel like they’re being kicked out or it’s time to go to bed, which I know I don’t want.
In other words, just because we have significant others does not mean we should cut our parties short. Keep your individuality! Your independence! Your excitement! That’s how you made those friends and grabbed a great guy in the first place, after all.
Photo credit: Google Images