Exchanging BFF bracelets and whispering deep, dark secrets in the comfort of a late-night sleepover are things we do with our best friends when we’re younger. As we get older, exchanging BFF bracelets turns to exchanging tweets and #womancrushwednesdays, while secrets at sleepovers turns into blogging on Tumblr next to each other and pointing out the things one thinks the other likes. As we get older, our ideas of friendship change and we change – something that is completely okay and a good thing. But because of this, friendships we thought would last forever can end.
Many situations can lead up to an end of a friendship, the most prominent being change or toxic relationships. It is always said that senior year of high school is the year you find out who your true friends are, and I’ve learned that this is true. People start going their own ways, with college plans and new beginnings taking them in different directions. Distance is a hurdle in any type of relationship, even in college, and friendship is no exception to this struggle. People we thought were our true friends turn out to be the people we associated with five days of the week. They were only our friends because we saw each other so often. And without the proximity, the friendship fell through.
Toxic friendships have always been the root of my failed friendships. Sometimes it’s toxic one way, sometimes it can hurt both ways, but all in all, it’s hurtful and hard to let go of at the same time. Sometimes it’s someone you’ve known forever, and sometimes it’s not, but you’re very close to them regardless. Usually you don’t realize it’s a toxic relationship until you are so deeply committed that you don’t know how to even begin to let go. You feel as if you can’t function without them in your life, and you feel a hole in your chest start to form. This so-called friend has started doing things that are hurtful to your mental health to the point where you don’t even remember what being happy is like.
And once you finally cut ties, you feel sick and you miss them so much because they were your person. You once turned to them for everything, and now you’re lost because you have so many things you’re struggling with and have no one to help you anymore. You opened up so much to them, and now you’re just strangers with secrets. You become terrified of opening up again and scared of ever letting yourself be close to someone for fear of yet another betrayal.
These are some of the signs of a toxic friendship.
Friendship is supposed to be mutually beneficial. If you get to the point where you are heavily leaning on the other person, it’s not healthy. It hurts once they’re gone, but in the end you will be so much better. You just need to love yourself, and realize that the pain you feel right now will be gone one day. Right now, you miss the fact that you had someone to turn to; you think you miss that person, but it’s not really the person. You will get through this, you will survive.