So many women are blamed for a relationship falling flat when it’s really the work of the “man” (if you can call a college boy that). We’ve all heard the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” often tossed into the ring like a get-out-of-jail-free card. To every girl who’s been fed this as a legitimate excuse for a break up – it’s true. The one at fault is him, not you.
The “It’s not you, it’s me” line is often used when a guy simply gets bored with a relationship. He may say that he’s “not ready for a relationship” or that he’s “going through some difficult stuff right now.” But if you saw him in a week, he’d probably be parading around with some other girl. These are the guys you have to watch out for. They act really sweet when you’re with them – charming, smooth talking, just enough of some delicious cologne to make you want to get closer. And then like a switch, they’re running as far as they can away from you. The thrill of something “new” wears off too quickly for them, and they’re constantly in search of it. Most girls feel like it’s somehow their fault, like they weren’t pretty or sexy or “cool” enough for him. But it’s not your fault if a he can’t have a serious relationship. Sure, some people are fine with just hooking up – both girls and guys. But that should always be clarified before you seal the deal. If he acts like he’s in it for the long-run and then jets off in a week or two, that’s his own loss. You are worth so much more than how one guy sees you.
Too often, women are treated as the inferior in relationships, even though relationships are supposed to be focused on balance and equality. One partner should not have more power than the other. We are all in control of our own actions; it is not a man’s job to control ours. If you’ve been treated condescendingly, it is not because you are a weaker being. It’s because he is the weaker one. He must be in absolute control at all times, and without it he falls apart. Someone who is held together by such loose strings is only confident on the outside. Underneath their put-together façade, they’re slowly unraveling. And it has nothing to do with you, even though they’ll try to make you feel that way. Maybe he says you just make him angry or that he’s only “helping” you. He’ll try to write it off like you’re the one with the problem because he can’t face the fact that he isn’t perfect. He’s convinced himself that everything is in order, pretending his dark parts just don’t exist. But when you’re the person being victimized because of his denial, it’s important to realize that it has nothing to do with you. As much as you want to, and as hard as you try, you can’t change someone. They can only change themselves.
Fear is often used as a tactic to control women. Fear of being different, unlovable, or alone. Guys know how to play into our fears to keep the blame off themselves. But women are strong, beautiful, and powerful. When they knock us down, we’ll fight back twice as hard. And that is why we will make it through this crazy, wonderful life.