Have you ever been in a dating situation where you’re really into the new guy you’re seeing, but something seems off? Maybe he’s nervous, or really dedicated to his schoolwork, or he tells you he wants to take things slow. Any of these could be true… or MAYBE he’s just not that into you. Believe me, we’ve all been there. In fact, I sat in the library writing this article looking for inspiration, and my group of friends and I were laughing so hard about all the things we could write about from our own personal experiences. So, here is what we came up with: The six most important signs from a guy that you should stop fawning over him and move on.
1. He’s not asking you out. So you’ve met a handsome, witty, intelligent guy with a rockin’ bod; what else could you ask for? You’ve gone on a few dates, had a few naked sleepovers, and shared a few stories, but he’s still opposed to asking you out. What’s that about? Well ladies let me tell you, this should be a HUGE red flag to you. If it’s going really well and you’ve been at this routine for weeks, he should’ve asked you out by now. Men have this animal instinct to go after what they want, so if they want you, they’ll pursue it. If he hasn’t, I’m sorry to say this, but he’s just not that into you. Stop waiting around for someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. There are plenty of single, attractive men out there willing to commit, so dump the chump and go find one.
2. He tells you he’s not ready for a relationship. We have ALL been here, especially in college. College is about exploring, trying new things, and figuring out what you want, but for the first time, we get to experience true freedom, and some people just aren’t ready to give that up. When you meet a guy and he flat out tells you “I’m not ready for a relationship,” what else can you expect but him not wanting to commit? He’s telling you upfront that he doesn’t want to date you, but you’re here texting him everyday, baking him cookies, and telling all your friends about how perfect he is and that “he’ll come around once he realizes how wonderful I am.” Sorry girl, but you are dead wrong. You shouldn’t waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to give you what you deserve. This is not a reflection of you. Don’t look at yourself and try to analyze how you were the problem and what you could’ve changed to be better. Don’t change yourself for someone! Be the beautiful you that you are and some guy will come along and realize how lucky he is to have found such an amazing, single girl. I’ve been in this situation, and like you, I waited it out like the hopeless romantic that I am, and let’s just say I’m still single… so you see how well that works out.
3. He talks about his ex… a lot. Him constantly talking about his ex does not necessarily mean he’s not into dating you, but it does mean that he has some mental blockage that is keeping you from being the number one lady in his life. Be careful with this one. Don’t fool yourself into falling too hard for him when he needs more time than you’re willing to give for him to get over his last breakup. You want a guy who is looking forward to his future with you rather than longing for the past with another woman.
4. You are doing too much for him without much in return. Women typically (and I say typically as in the stereotypical motherly instincts encrypted in women’s genes) tend to give and give and give, while not getting the same amount of attention back. Yes, obviously you can find the roles reversed in this situation, or possibly even equal- and in that case, hold onto that romance- but this is for my hopeless dreamers. So, if you are doing more than one of the things listed below, you need to take a step back and really consider whether he’s appreciating you as much as you are him:
- Making him dinner
- Cancelling plans with friends to see him
- Always being the one to make the plans
- Making him baked goods
- Running his errands
- Paying for his food, gas, drinks – really anything – constantly
Obviously, a nice gesture is always a sweet surprise for the person who has your heart, but when you find yourself doing any more than one of these things for them without getting much of anything in return (and when I say anything I mean any sign of affection out of the ordinary hug), you need to reevaluate your situation.
5. He won’t talk to you the day after you hookup. What the hell is this about? You can talk to me the night of, and two days after is perfectly fine, but the day after I won’t see or hear a word from you. Ladies, let’s just lay the cards on the table here… he’s really just not that into you. If he was truly as into you as he appeared the night before, he would’ve made an effort to let you know. Don’t become the weekend hookup when you want to be the girlfriend. You are in control and you have the power, girl.
6. He only shows affection for you while intoxicated. So you’re going out and you get a text from your “wanna be more than just talking” guy, and he tells you to come by the party he’s at. You go out of your way to look great and when you get to the party, he chooses to acknowledge everyone but you. Sure you might get the casual, “Hey, how are you?” but nothing compared to the glamorized romance scene you created in your head where he ran to you and swept you off your feet with words of love and had a bouquet of roses in his hand. So you’re instantly feeling lousy, and as the night continues and more alcohol is consumed, he becomes friendlier. When the end of the night starts to wind down, you’ve had enough liquid courage to confront him about how he’s treating you unfairly and he responds “But I like you sooooooo much.” Stop right there, ladies. No matter how cute he is, no matter how sweet he sounds, or if what he’s saying is what you’ve wanted to hear all along, do NOT listen. If he cannot have a normal, flirty, fun conversation with you in person in a group setting, then he really is just not that into you. Don’t put yourself through the torture of making up excuses as to why he’s acting that way. Believe me, my friends and I are the queens of it.
So, ladies, from everything you read above I hope you take away one piece of advice: if he’s acting like he’s just not that into you, then he isn’t. Realize you’re worth more than that. If you truly want more, then find someone who will give you what you want. Be confident, and yes, it may be hard to stop seeing him, but maybe that’s the push he needs to realize what he has and then he’ll go for it! If not, he wasn’t worth it anyways. I hope you have better luck following my advice then I do.
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