Urban Dictionary defines a “situationship” as: “A relationship that has no label on it…like a friendship, but more than a friendship, but not quite a relationship.”
Common thoughts during undefined relationships can go anywhere from, “Yeah, no, honestly this is fine. Why define something? We’re just having fun.” Then cut to a few months into it those thoughts become, “Am I not good enough for a relationship?”
When situationships end, there is a part of us that wonders if we’ll ever find ourselves being attracted to another person. Most of the time, situationships are mentally exhausting and can cause a person to forget what a healthy and happy relationship should feel like. Even worse, if your situationship has gone on for a long time, you might be surrounded by mutual friends. Or in my case, you are always being watched by those friends, as if they are watching your every move to report it back. Then comes anxiety that leaves you feeling suffocated and changes your perspective on what you think you deserve. Not to mention the trust issues you ultimately face over the lack of commitment.
Sometimes these situationships last for months which makes it more difficult to understand why there is no “real” label on it yet. Situationships can be fun, but it’s only fun until someone gets hurt. You are good enough. In fact, you are better than that. You are NOT crazy, and even more so, you are not alone here. While every situationship is different and complicated, how many of you can say that you’ve been in a similar position?Mmmmhmm. That’s what I thought.
In reality, you deserve someone who will treat you with respect, someone that doesn’t make you feel like you’re asking for too much when you want to go on a real date, or for wanting to define your relationship. There is a good chance that your situationship caused you to lower your standards, and, maybe even caused your self-confidence to go down.
The college hookup culture is nothing new. Going out and coming back with someone you just met that night is a common occurrence. Tinder isn’t even a taboo way to find your “perfect match” anymore.
The nice thing about these random hookups and relationships, is that both parties can and SHOULD be aware of the intentions. But, with the middle ground of situationships, do either parties know what’s happening? Or is it one-sided? And why is it so hard to get out of? Communication is the lazy answer. From experience, you can talk to the person as many times as you want, but their actions do not always match their words.
“So, what do you want out of this?” you ask.
“Uh. . .well to be honest, I thought we were just really close friends,” the person answers.
Hours later, you are out with that person. Maybe you two are at a party.
“Hey Billy, this is *insert your name*.”
Your person puts an arm around your waist and appears to have put you on a pedestal.
“Oh hey! I have heard so much about you! Glad to finally meet you,” Billy says.
Your person squeezes your hand happily, maybe even kisses your forehead. And you are left standing like:Oh, yeah. Me too. Been there.
Given that situationships seems to be a known and common social aspect of college, it’s important to know your worth and fully understand and approve the situation you are getting into.