Most of the people you pass on the street, from your average Joe to your well-traveled army brat, will most likely have moved at least once in their life. It’s just a fact of life. Things change, jobs relocate, families separate, and you end up in a brand new place you’ve never (probably ever) seen before. It’s a little scary, sure. We all know the difficulties of finding new friends and finding our new favorite coffee shops, and all had to simply get through those hardships at some point or another. (And if you haven’t and have never moved in your entire life, this still totally applies to you. It’s just good advice in general.) But coming from the place I come from, and moving to the place I moved, I have gathered a few pieces of advice I’d love to share with ya’ll.
1. The world is incredibly different everywhere you go, and no matter how much you think you know that, you don’t.
It sounds so cheesy and much too simple, but it’s more true than you think. I am originally from a Chicago, IL suburb where everything was how you would see it on Mad Men. The grass was perfect and the women were beautiful, there was no hardship, and I believed the entire world was this way. I moved to the tiny town of Arcata, CA in the seventh grade and found myself completely and utterly culture shocked. People were insanely poor, there were real, live, physical homeless people on the streets, and people smoked (then illegal) pot in their backyards. Let me tell you — I didn’t even know what pot was until I got to California. But I learned how to adjust to the culture and not look like a ridiculously out-of-place innocent, strangely tall (I’m 5’ 11”) girl. I moved yet again before my freshman year of high school to Ashland, OR, which was a slightly easier move, but still the culture was different and the people were different and I had to find that new coffee shop. So the advice that comes from this story is — don’t assume you know someone’s background, where they come from, or why they are the way they are. You cannot ever, ever live someone’s entire life exactly like they did. Sure, I told people I came from perfect suburbia-ville, but they don’t completely understand what I went through when I moved to California. They can sympathize and empathize, but they just cannot know completely what you went through. And it’s the same way when I talk to other people. I can understand what they are saying and how they feel, but I know in my heart that I will never know exactly what hardships they went through. Each and every life event is different for each and every person. So long story short, be empathetic, sympathetic, and understanding. You don’t know exactly where that person has come from.
2. There will be a point in your life when you have to pay bills.
This one sounds all too simple too. But again, it’s so true. I’ve lived in about five different places that I can personally remember so far. Each more different than the pervious, and even more different than the next. And I can tell you with 100% certainty, kids everywhere are ridiculously privileged. I can say that, being a privileged kid myself. In all of these places, Chicago, California, Oregon, I saw kids getting cars without working, parents giving children lessons upon lessons for things they didn’t even want to learn, and teenagers believing they would die if they didn’t have their $5 mocha frappuccino every dang morning. And all of these things are wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But it’s the kids being fueled by such acts that simply sets them up for failure. What are these kids getting coffees and cars, but not working, going to do when they head off to college? Or into the actual world? They have learned that they can get things without earning them. Or, maybe they earn them through good grades or getting scholarships, which is equally excellent. But still does not teach a kid how to work a job or write a professional email. When you get into the real world, you do actually have to pay bills. You have to know how to pay those bills, and how to budget. If you continuously turn to your parents, grandparents, step-fathers, or great great aunts for money, you’re never going to completely learn how to be that adult you will eventually need to be. So for a more simply stated piece of advice — be responsible, work for your own money, and make sure you know how to budget and pay taxes and bills when the time comes around.
3. The world will not bend over backwards for you.
Possibly the more abstract lesson I’ve learned so far that I’ll share for you is this one. Maybe as a child you were able to have everyone come to you and ask you what you needed, but as an adult, you’ll never have that. Starting my new seventh grade life in the middle of the school year with completely new teachers and students and classrooms, I learned to advocate for myself. I wasn’t the most confident little one in the world, but I learned how to stick up for myself and how to go get what I needed. Teachers didn’t ask me if I understood every topic, they didn’t go out of their way to make sure I had all I needed in terms of paperwork. Kids didn’t make sure I had a place to eat at lunchtime, and being completely honest — girls were bitches. So I advocated for myself, went and talked to the teachers to get that extra help, found my own nice friends, and made the world work for me. Not the other way around. So what’s the advice? Be strong, be confident, and advocate for yourself. Go get what you need, and take control of your life. The world isn’t going to come to you, so you better make the best of it.
I’ve definitely leaned more than those three things, but these are some of the best stories and advice I thought I could give you, all in all. I hope you can take them with you and let them help you with your next move or your life right now! Just remember to be you, and you’ll be all set, homegirl.