Crossfit is so much more than a gym. It’s a family. And like every family, it’s dysfunctional sometimes.
My boyfriend threw me a surprise Crossfit birthday party this weekend (and luckily, what I mean by Crossfit birthday party is that it was just people that go to my gym, not that we actually did Crossfit at the party. That would be the worst birthday party ever. “Time for cake…and PUSHUPS!” [cue groans and eventual barfing]).
Another clarification: when I say people at my gym, I’m talking about moms, a lot of twenty-somethings, and soccer dads, all of which are in killer shape and have a healthy endorphin addiction.
Basically, I wasn’t expecting a rager…and boy, was I wrong. After everybody yelled “Surprise!!” and I had a mental freakout (They were all staring at me and I’m thininkg, should I do something exciting why is everyone still staring at me and not talking REMEMBER TO SMILE THEY’RE ALL STARING AT YOU). Being caught off guard by 20+ people is more awkward than one would think. I made the rounds of opening cards and chatting to people about how old I was turning, blah blah blah. This whole time, the party was sipping on a rather strong drink that was a misleadingly innocent pink color.
And let me just say, that punch did funny things to people. Remember how I was with a bunch of people that were 5-15 (even 20) years older than I was? Yeah. I saw a mother of three take tequila shots WITHOUT A CHASER. Granted, these are older people, so it was nice tequila that was about five price tiers above poor college student quality….but still. I was impressed. I can barely do that. Not to mention, the coaches were feeding people jello shots, there were dinosaur piñatas being bludgeoned (that was by me, obvi, and it was SO MUCH FUN), and giant life-size teddy bears were being cuddled aggressively.
Then, about three hours into the party (Crossfit athletes are also known for their endurance), the topic of strip clubs came up. And guess what?
EVERYBODY TOOK THEIR SHIRTS OFF.
I was seriously impressed with all of the milf-tacular women who were running around without their shirts off. The shirtlessness only lasted long enough to get some priceless blackmail pictures. But I did learn a few things: it turns out surprise parties are awkward until everyone drinks magic punch and takes their shirt off. I now know which members of my gym have a certain aficionado for giant teddy bears.
And most importantly, to never underestimate Crossfitters, because that birthday party is probably going to end up being crazier than the one I have with people my own age. Crossfitters really know how to party, no matter how old they are, and I enjoyed every second of my (amazing, surprising, superfun) surprise Crossfit birthday party.