We’ve all had that one friend; the one that you thought would be your maid of honor one day, the one who everyone thought would get “most inseparable friends” for senior superlatives with you. The one who you spent every Friday night eating Taco Bell while watching rom com’s. The one who was there for you when your first boyfriend dumped you (the middle school one AND the actual first one). The one who would actually get your jokes and you’d get hers back when no one else did. Yeah, most of us have had that friend and that is something to be thankful for! Nothing is better than finding someone who will stay up all night with you, respond to your 14 iMessages in a row in less than two minutes, and will eat ice cream with you at midnight and then continue to eat it even after you left the carton out and it had already melted. After all, those ARE the most redeemable qualities in a friend, right???
Now, while many of us have had the contentment of having a good friend like this, you have to realize that it might not last a lifetime. With this being said, I will begin by mentioning that is not true in all cases in the least. In fact, I am still best friends with one girl who I met in 7th grade gym class and another I have been friends with since fourth grade and have been friends with ever since. But what is key to remember here is that people WILL change and people WILL grow and that is just a fact of life.
Maybe you and your friend had a big fight over you posting an unflattering photo of her and never talked again. Maybe you and your friend had your “friend break-up” over being into the same guy. This is what is portrayed in most Lifetime movies, right? Well, if I had to guess, I would say that most friendships do not end this way. The way I see it, most good friendships end because people go through such different walks of life; people grow apart and that is okay. It is hard to understand, it is hard to accept, it is hard to adapt to; no one who has experienced it is going to tell you that it’s not.
Being cut out entirely by the girl who you once called your BFFL may hurt you. It might be upsetting to go from receiving photos from your friend to see if they were good enough to post on Facebook, to not being able to see her posts at all. It may bother you to see her other friends posting with her on Instagram and wondering what she is up to now. You may find yourself wondering, what did I do? Sometimes, (I would argue MOST times, actually) YOU didn’t do anything at all. So now you’re thinking, “okay, so it’s her fault.” Nope. That’s actually not always the case either!
I have found that people who once had such similar lives to you often may change one little aspect of their lives- maybe it is a new boyfriend, maybe it is a new job, maybe it’s a new school. But, little changes add up to big changes and that is just life! Sometimes, someone who once fit so well into your life may no longer feel like the perfect puzzle piece. This doesn’t mean that you no longer like this person; this just means that you outgrew them. Or they outgrew you. What does outgrowing a person mean, you may ask?
Outgrowing a person is similar to outgrowing clothing, but in the figurative sense. Think about it this way. You had a favorite shirt growing up. That one shirt that your mom picked out for you when you were seven to bribe you to go to swim lessons…oh, wait. That’s just me? Okay, never mind (sorry to blow up your spot, mom). You know what shirt I am talking about though! You may have worn this top until your mom forced you to put it in the wash. Eventually though, you are going to grow out of that shirt. Some may choose to keep their shirt as a memory, while some may choose to get rid of their shirt and purchase one that they like just as much, but that fits them properly. This is the same as with people. Sometimes you grow and you don’t fit with people like you used to. This is just the cycle of life!
As easy as it may be to be to backlash or to hold a grudge; this is not the healthiest solution for either one of you. Try and talk it out if you can. Be understanding and open to what they are saying. If they don’t want to talk, then that likely isn’t the best way to go about the situation…but maybe it is what is best for them at that given time. Maybe it is easier for them to move on without confrontation. Being respectful of other’s wishes is important in life and that’s what I have found along the way. You can only try to talk something out so many times until you just need to move forward with your life. Dwelling on the negatives will get you nowhere in this world.
I have found comfort in my life understanding now that people CAN grow out of their friends and that it is a perfectly normal happening, actually. The older I get, the more I elicit this to be true. The older I get, the more friends I find along the way, too! I have fostered new friendships by learning from my past friendships.
What is so unique about friends, is that like snowflakes, you will never find one exactly the same as another. This might be disheartening to think about; never being able to find a friend exactly like the one you lost. In a way, it is. It is a piece of your life, a piece of your memories, and a piece of someone who had the same sense of humor as you that is no longer present. However, people can evolve into someone completely different in the blink of an eye and that is expected! What you can do though, is find a new snowflake. Find a new favorite shirt. Don’t go trying to find one that is exactly the same, because it will never happen. With this being said, I guarantee that you will find one that you like just as much…if not even more so!
Having a best friend in your world is an element that can really help one to live life to the fullest potential. Today, I am fortunate enough to be blessed with phenomenal friends who will willingly watch the Bachelorette every Monday with me, tell me which one of my selfies they like best, and again, respond to me even when I send 14 iMessages in a row at 12:42 AM (thanks, guys!). And while I will always miss the memories that my former best friend and I had, I will always look back on those days fondly. Being bitter is not an option for me anymore because I know that each and every experience and each and every memory one has led them to where they stand today.
We, as humans are made up of our own adventures, good and bad. We grow, we learn, we love, and we lose. Friends will come. Some will stay, others will go. That is just the way things go and that is why I wish nothing but the best for my former best friend; this is why I am so thankful for the friendship we once shared. Thank you.
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