Being cheated on absolutely sucks. It can be very painful and just hard to comprehend when you thought you loved that person. One positive thing that happened to me after I’ve been cheated on was how much I learned from it.
What A Real Betrayal Looks And Feels Like
After I was cheated on I didn’t know what to do with myself. I trusted my partner with all of my heart and in an instant he shattered it into a million pieces. I had never felt such pain or betrayal from anyone, especially someone who constantly told me I was the only one for them.
Not To Blame Yourself
It’s so hard not to think to yourself “was it something I did?” When in reality, cheating generally has little to do with you, and mostly with how the cheater is as a person. It is never your fault your significant other cheated, you did not make them cheat. Some people just don’t realize how good they have it until they take it for granted.
Do Not Compare Yourself To The Other Man Or Woman
Cheating has very little to do with another person being better or more attractive than you. Once I found out who my partner cheated on me with it was very hard not to compare myself to her, especially when I found her on social media. I learned there is very little reason to being envious of the girls looks, or trying to tear them down to make myself feel better. In the end it doesn’t matter who they cheated with. Obsessing over the other person and weighing out your qualities will not erase what happened, and will NOT make yourself feel better. I learned it’s best not to have them on social media at all, it will only make you angry, and can restrict you from getting past the pain of what happened.
Do Not Make Excuses For Why The Cheater Did It
All I wanted to do when I found out, was find a valid excuse for why he did it. “He was feeling confused and made a mistake”. “He didn’t mean it”. “It just happened”. “I was stressed”. The fact is, they did it. They were selfish and hurt you very badly. There is no excuse that will make the cheater not in the wrong. Making excuses for them is only hurting yourself.
There Is No Reason Why They Did It
Most of the time if you ask the cheater why they did it, they cannot give you a straight answer. I recently tested out this theory. I called up a friend of mine who I know has cheated on multiple partners and asked them why? My friend was shocked I asked them this and could not give me a straight answer. Most cheaters do not know why they did it in the first place.
If You Choose To Stay In The Relationship, Trust Can Be A Problem
Not only did I not trust my partner but my partner started not to trust me. Even though I was completely faithful in the relationship, my partner would question me as much as I would question them. Sometimes cheaters do not trust their partners because since they cheated, they believe it can happen to you just as easily.
You Deserve Better
If you truly put your heart and soul into making a relationship work, and don’t feel the same from your partner, then you deserve better. An important thing I learned was to never settle for less than your worth, or you will always be left wondering if there was something better out there for you. If you stay with that person who has hurt you numerous times, you may never know what else is available.
If It Happened Once It Will Probably Happen Again
I can’t speak for every relationship, but there is some truth to “once a cheater always a cheater.” If you are impulsive enough to cheat once and can get away with it, it is very possible the cheater will strike again. After I was cheated on the first time, my partner had sworn to me on numerous occasions that he would never make that mistake again, and that he learned his lesson. Little did I know he would strike again, and tell me the same exact thing that he “learned his lesson this time”. I can’t remember how many times I heard that he would change, and sadly, he never did.
Cheaters Will Often Play The Victim
A lot of the time when a cheater is admitting they cheated, they will try to make you feel bad for them as if they are the ones in pain to focus on. When my boyfriend told me he cheated, he had immediately made the situation about how hurt he would be without me. He started to cry and say how much he hated himself and would never forgive himself. Suddenly without realizing it, I was comforting him telling him he is not a bad person, when I was the one he hurt. This is a manipulative tactic some cheaters use to get you to forgive them.
To Respect Others Relationships
After you’ve been cheated on, it changes the way you view other relationships. When I heard about someone cheating, I would immediately get angry like I never have before about someone else’s relationship. I started to channel my own pain from someone else’s situation. Now that I have been in that position, I felt as if I could never do that to someone else now that I’ve been on that end of a cheating situation.
Not To Blame The Other Woman Or Man On The Other End
After you’ve been cheated on it is very important to not blame the one who cheated with your partner, especially not more than your own partner. It takes two to tango, and your partner is the one who was in your relationship, not the other person. It’s easy to hate and blame the person your significant other cheated with especially if you stay with your partner after the cheating.
How To Love Myself
One of the most important lessons I took from this experience, was how to love myself again. After I was cheated on by my first love, I felt worthless. For a long time, I felt I deserved to be cheated on and that I would never be good enough. Eventually I realized I could not define myself based on how my partner treated on me. I was better than this. Once I realized my partner had made me feel this low about myself, I knew that the best thing to do would be to leave. It took some time but once I stepped away from that relationship I finally learned how to stop relying on someone else to feel good about myself. I finally realized just because they didn’t treat me right, doesn’t mean I don’t deserve so much more.
Do Not Let This Define You Or Your Other Relationships
It is important to remember that not everyone cheats. Just because you’ve been cheated on in the past, doesn’t mean history is doomed to repeat itself. Whatever happened in your past relationship doesn’t define who you are, or your future relationships. Just because your partner didn’t treat you the way you deserve doesn’t mean you can’t find someone who will…
Forgiveness
The best and hardest lesson of all to learn was how to forgive. It is okay to forgive your partner, and it is also okay not to. In the end it’s your life, and you will do what you think is best for yourself. In the end of my relationship I decided I could not forgive my partner, and that I had to move on. For a long time, I was angry at them for how they hurt me, and how it was hard for me to trust others after them. The best lesson I learned was how to forgive what they did, and how to move forward. I may not have forgiven them romantically, but as a friend I learned to leave my animosity behind. You know you are truly over someone when you think about them, and do not feel any anger toward them anymore, and begin to wish them well. The most important thing I learned in life is that it is too short to go around holding grudges. After all of that pain, a lot of lessons were learned from that experience that only make you stronger.