by Claire Biggerstaff
When I was a senior in high school I applied to 15 colleges. Believe me I wish you were reading that wrong, but I am not kidding. I was confused about who I was and I was convinced that my college had to somehow encompass this sense of self I was struggling to define. As a result, I initially applied to about 6 very different universities. As the letters started rolling back in, I began to panic. Financial aid had not pulled through in the way I was hoping it would. Over winter break, I desperately applied to another 9 universities, hoping that would give me plenty of financially feasible options. Among this 9 was Ole Miss. This was, at the time, the last place I wanted to go to, but the only place I was sure would pull through financially.
The result of applying to so many places in a rush was a lot of really terrible essays and a lot of rejection letters. To make it all worse I was one step away from receiving a full ride scholarship to a university in DC. The scholarship started with 1000 student nominees selected ten at the end. I made it all the way to the final 20, but during the final round I was not chosen. This was my final rejection letter, and it quite literally felt like I had held the Holy Grail in my hand only to let it fall to the floor and shatter.
Dramatic, I know; however, if you experienced a college application process as tumultuous as mine you realize that in the moment it feels that terrible. There I was, having written who knows how many essays, only to end up attending Ole Miss: a university that did not even require an essay.
I did what any dramatic senior would do. I updated my Facebook status and then promptly shut the computer and cried. A few minutes into the tears, I pulled myself together. I knew I had a choice in that moment: I could let adults in an admissions office define my self-worth or I could start taking control of my life. I knew throughout all of my senior year, I had been looking for a sense of self in that perfect college decision moment; however, it really does not matter where you go to college. What matters is how you live your life.
So that night, I got out a journal and I wrote down six goals. Then I wrote down the exact ways I was going to achieve them.
- I wanted to be a better student.
- I wanted to be better informed outside of the classroom.
- I wanted to be more involved.
- I wanted to grow in my faith.
- I wanted to be a better friend.
- I wanted to serve my community more consistently
Today, I have achieved all of these things. I have not done it perfectly, but I have worked hard to make the best life for myself. Not only that, but I absolutely love Ole Miss. I am convinced I have the best friends, the best town, and the best college campus. While I would like to say that I am right about all this, I think this is what anyone who is actively working to make the best of their college life would say about their university.
The disappointment of that college process sucked, but I would not trade one rejection letter because I needed every single one to realize I was in control of my life. If I had gotten that scholarship, I probably would not have taken so much time to genuinely consider how I was going to make my life the best it could be. I could have gotten into Harvard, and if I did not realize that it is not up to any admissions officer, beautiful campus, mission statement, or retention rate to make my life a beautiful adventure then it would not have been what it is today.
This article is not written to be one of those “Open Letters to Anyone Who Did Not Get Into Their Dream College” because the message applies even if you did. If you take the time to reflect on the ways you want to see your life improve and take the steps to make it happen, you will be happy wherever you are. If you don’t somewhere down the road you will find yourself feeling like senior year me and looking for someone else to help you figure out how you should live your life.
This is your life, so live it exactly how you want! That book you have been meaning to read forever, but “don’t have time for”? Delete social media for a week and pick up that book instead. Always wanted to try a half-marathon? Go for it! Wishing you were a more loving friend? Schedule time in your day to text those friends from home or write your friends a handwritten note telling them why you love them. This life is up to you and even when stress, tragedy, and mean people overwhelm you, I hope that you can rest in the fact that this is your journey and you have the power to make it amazing.