It’s often said that if one is to move forward, they must first acknowledge what has been done to them. Acknowledgement can be hard, especially in the case of abuse. In fact, admitting abuse can be almost as hard as the actual process of being abused, but admittance is key in moving on and repairing yourself.
I didn’t tell other people I was an abuse victim until probably a year or two after my abuser died, because I didn’t feel worthy of it. I was abused as a child on occasion, and it was unknown to everyone else involved in my life. When those who cared for me did find out, they did their best to remove me from the situation, but it was complicated. This is beside the point; the real point is that I still feel guilty telling others that I was abused.
Abuse is odd, because there really isn’t any abuse mold or test that everyone must take to be an abuser. Yes, there are warning signs, but severity, type, and abuser can all be different and sometimes that makes the process of admitting that you were abused harder and longer. It can take a while to really come to grips with the fact that you were abused because maybe it was “just” verbal or it wasn’t as “severe” as other stories. No matter what though, it must be realized that any abuse is still abuse. Even if it happened to you, and you don’t think it mattered.
I personally hated calling myself an abuse victim because I didn’t see my abuser that often, and I don’t have any severe abuse stories. I was quietly, more “softly” abused, both verbally and physically. It’s easy to feel guilty when you were abused but not abused as badly as others, and it makes it very awkward to say the words “I’m an abuse victim.” It’s kind of like a title you think you have to live up to, and you can easily feel like it wasn’t enough to claim that title.
Another reason someone may not want to share that they were abused is because then you’re suddenly a victim. You out of nowhere receive this notion of “Oh my god! I’m so sorry,” from someone who has never apologized to you once in their life. You get sympathy instead of empathy, and it’s weird and uncomfortable. It’s easier to just live your life and hide the fact that at one point you were abused, but it can be good to share. It’s good to mention to people, to share your story, and it takes away from shame that many victims feel. You can also meet other people who have been abused or gone through some hardship, and really connect with others on the subject. Sharing is uncomfortable, but it’s for the best.
I’m not going to say that telling others that you were abused gets you over it, or that even allowing yourself to say “I’m an abuse victim” fixes everything. But it helps, and it helps on the journey towards healing and moving forward. If you’re being abused reach out to someone whether that’s someone at school, home, or even an abuse hotline. Share your story, don’t feel guilty or like you’re taking away from other victims, and don’t feel bad because abuse makes others uncomfortable. You have a right to be here, and you have a right to speak.