To Anyone Left Behind by a Soldier,
You’ll want to hate them so badly. You can’t say everything you feel. What you can say is that they were some of the best moments of your life and you weren’t ready for an end.
They made you try new things that you loved and even some that were the worst experiences for you. You went on adventures that you will never be able to go on with anyone else. That is a memory with them and that place is tainted with unimaginable joy and a stinging reminder that they aren’t with you anymore. They were there when you were sad, but more often were the reason you were happy.
You met their family and it was awkward and weird, but it was a step in the right direction to a better relationship. It was just another of many moments that you’ll remember forever. You probably saw them in some pretty ridiculous outfits and some that made the whole world seem to disappear; leaving just the two of you. It doesn’t matter how long you knew each other. The feelings were real and all too powerful. You could feel it in every part of you. You felt wanted when they were around; they made sure of it.
The moments when something new was brought into the relationship will prepare you for the future. You’ll learn how to handle other people’s quirks and opinions. There will be invisible scars of a loss that is painful to talk about.
You’ll wake up with nobody to hold and it will be lonely, but we all move on eventually. Take it one day at time until the piercing pain in your chest is just a dull ache. It will still be there, but just less. Nicknames will be hard. The cute pet names you had for each other will be nearly impossible to let go of. It’s first names only now.
You’ll always remember how they left you for your country. Keep that in mind when you feel the boiling anger of being left behind. It was their life to do with as they saw fit. They had a belief strong enough to do what they did. It was the biggest relief when they contacted you during basics. It also drove you crazy when they didn’t. You couldn’t blame them though. You couldn’t blame anyone and that is irritating. They were so far away. You wanted to scream and curse and bring them home. You sent each other letters and talked on the phone every moment you could. It was never enough though.
Then they got deployed. Sent to war.
They stopped calling, even if you knew they had contacted others. You watched as they talked to everyone but you. People talked about them and gave you updates, but they never responded to you, so you gave up. You were resigned to the fact that they were gone
It stung when you were told that they were back on U.S. soil.
You know they felt bad for the way they treated you, but after the horrible things they had seen, they couldn’t face you. You were apart of a past that was stained with pictures of war. The desolation was just too much.
They’re in a relationship with someone else now. They’re happy. You sometimes look at your pictures together, but you won’t say anything to them. You won’t do that to either of you.
They gave you empty promises and hopes. They don’t even realize it. They think you are over them, and now, you finally can be. You gained and lost everything and can let go. You can get through this and come out stronger than ever.
I know you hate that you can’t even hate them because PTSD is real and they saw so much, and you’re really just glad they’re okay.
Sincerely,
Left Behind