Dear Mom and Dad,
It’s officially been one month since I moved away from my comfort zone, and into my new, busy life of college. Through the stress of first exams and enjoying time with unfamiliar friends, I often think of you. Being somewhere between a woman and a child, I feel lost without you sometimes. Mom, feeling sick is no longer a package deal with soup and forehead kisses. Dad, although you taught me over the summer to take car of myself, I still can’t change a tire to save my life. You’re closer than most and have visited more than the average parent of a college student but, when activities are scarce and conversations are small, when I’m here and you’re there, I miss home and I miss you. I can’t explain why my bed is an hour away from the one I sleep in every night, and I can’t express the difference between my room and the area I live in from day to day. The only answer is this: My home is where you are.
I forget that my transition from eight to eighteen was far harder on you than it was on me. Yes, I was thrown into an unknown world but millions had gone before me and millions survived. However, your oldest child was taken away from you by life itself. I’m sorry that life is a monster in this way.
I am sorry for many things. I am sorry for not appreciating the fact that you gave me things I wanted instead of giving yourself things you needed. I am sorry that I felt as if I had known so much more than you when I had experienced far less. Finally, I am sorry for the fact that I will never stop making mistakes that need to be apologized for. I am sorry for shocking you with things no parent wants to be shocked with and I am sorry for those rare moments of disappointment that I have seen in both of your faces.
As your only daughter, I can promise that I will make new friends and forget old ones, I can guarantee that I will be in unknown classes instructed by different teachers each semester and point out that things will never stop changing. For you, I know my brother will grow as I did, with certainty, I can say that jobs will disappear while others show up and once again, things will never stop changing. But, I assure you that one thing will remain unchanged. I will always be your daughter and my parents you will always be.
Thank you for this. Thank you for letting me come home almost every weekend to open arms and a refrigerator stocked with food. Thank you for giving me strength and courage to do things I shy away from. Thank you for adding pieces of your personality to my own and thank you for loving me unconditionally even when sometimes I did not love you the same.
Throughout each week, I long to hug you both. I yearn to speak to you face to face, and Friday night can’t come soon enough. As it always does, the weekend will finally arrive and I will be home once again. Here, I will get caught up in all the things we have to do to prepare me for another week in college. Then, as quickly as I arrived, I will return to Oklahoma State University only to realize that I could have hugged you both one more time. For this reason, I will long to hug you both and yearn to speak to you face to face as the cycle inevitably repeats itself.
For now, however, I send you this. For now, here is my letter to home.
All my love,
Your baby girl.