In elementary school, boys had cooties.
In middle school, boys were an annoyance.
In high school, boys were all you could think about.
In college, who even has time?
For all you girls out there who are still pining over a broken relationship you once thought would last forever in high school, it’s time to let go. Coming from someone with experience, I KNOW that isn’t necessarily the easiest thing to do. In fact, it’s probably one of the hardest. In the back of your mind, you always want to tell yourself that maybe, this is for the better and that maybe, you will end up together again in the future. And if that’s right, awesome. But quit letting that thought stop you from living in the moment. Quit letting that thought dictate whether or not you can find happiness with someone else, or even more importantly, find happiness within yourself.
I’m guilty of being in a broken, high school relationship. Boys have always been “my thing.” It all started in middle school when I would pick a different boy to like each week and not stop until he was instant messaging me every night. In high school, things were harder at first. The nerves overtook me and I began having a hard time being more than friends with any boy. That is, until I met my high school boyfriend mid-junior year.
Not only was Steve* my “first everything,” but I can genuinely say that he was indeed my first love. Sure, I had “boyfriends” before Steve, but none seemed like an actual relationship until this one. It started off a little rocky, but what high school relationship doesn’t? Dates consisted of spending nights watching movies in each other’s basement or hanging out with a group of friends by a late-night bonfire. There was the honeymoon stage, where we just couldn’t get enough of each other, and then there were the argumentative stages where we spent so much time together that there was nothing left to do but fight.
High school was one thing–drama. When senior year came around, the relationship basically took over my life. I started hanging out with friends less because of this and I started limiting who he could talk to and be friends with. Eventually, this became a very toxic relationship and everyone knew it, except us.
I don’t know if it was that I didn’t think it was toxic or just didn’t notice it, but eventually, despite the love we did have for each other, I lost my best friend. Fortunately, it was probably the best decision until a few months went by with very little chatting, and college hit. I don’t know what it is about college and getting back with your ex, but that’s exactly what we did. Or attempted.
(Photo courtesy of lifeofdad.com)
We ended up spending the summer following our freshman year together, and the toxic pattern began again. I genuinely believed that I had changed and that we would be okay, but I was wrong. Although we did have an enjoyable summer when it was spent just us two, the other moments spent with other people were the furthest thing from enjoyable. That was the thing, we were only truly happy when it was just the two of us. For some reason, the outside world brought nothing but drama to the relationship.
The relationship didn’t come to a halt until about a month into sophomore year. For the first few days after mutually agreeing to end things, I was crushed. But I knew it’s what we needed. My friends agreed, his friends agreed, it’s what everyone thought needed to happen for a long time. Unfortunately, Steve and I were both distraught. I spent over an hour on the phone having a panic attack because I didn’t know how I was going to do life without waking up to a morning text from him every day or being unable to know what he’s up to or not being able to share my thoughts with him.
It was then that I realized that what Steve and I had turned into something else. It turned into an obsession. An unhealthy obsession that left neither of us happy. Not exactly sad, but not happy. What’s the point in a relationship if neither of you are happy? We were at a standstill and we had been for such a long time because neither of us let the other grow.
Maybe time isn’t enough for us, maybe we might have a chance together again in the far future, but it’s now that I’ve finally realized that I am not waiting for that day to come anymore. I am 20 years old, I go to an awesome school, I have the best friends and the best family and a million distractions keeping me from wondering why I am not texting Steve every day. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am happy, but I am getting there. And this time, I’m finding happiness within myself.
I loved Steve– hell I probably still do! But it has taken me almost three years to realize that life, surprisingly, does go on without him.
*Name has been changed