Surprisingly, the stages of death and grief are aligned together. The stages are denial and shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. It’s not uncommon for these stages to be mixed up or to basically going through all at once. It’s mostly about how you learn and eventually cope with it.
To put grief in perspective, it’s like you feel as if you’re conflicted with how you carry yourself in front of family members. You’re trying so hard to be humble, but can’t let go of your selfishness because you’re often independent of not being there with family all the time. Hearing religious prayers makes you break down into tears that make it difficult for you to talk to anyone who tries to comfort you. You feel constantly guilty and angry that you should’ve been there in times of need. Family members tell you knew you had something important to focus on, but that importance has no matter at this moment in time. Whenever someone tries to lighten up the mood or tells you to stop being “dramatic”, you just can’t because it’s difficult for you to say, “but you don’t understand.”
You can’t sleep because it feels like you’re being watched by the one that passed. You don’t know if you’re able to eat right as much as homemade food is there for your comfort. You also still feel as if your loved one who has passed is still there. Instead of family gathering at the deceased loved one’s home for the funeral, it still felt like he or she was there, but he or she didn’t want to come out and greet the guests.
You’ll regret the sins you’ve committed. Like the time you danced with the Devil to manipulate people just to get what you want. Or you, wasting your time on someone who doesn’t value you as a person. Or even simply giving into temptation in which you’re not supposed to. Now, you realized that the deceased loved one has seen what you’ve done from above. He or she is very disappointed in you, but they’re willing to forgive you. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, I guarantee you will be sorry.
Sadness is like a grey smoke you’re under and won’t clear for a while. You can’t breathe, you can’t see. Your heart just feels numb from being blocked by the colors of black and grey. That’s all you see anyway. Black, grey with little whites.
Once the stages of grief are over with, a sense of self and clarity will come to you. After paying your respects and apologizing for any wrongdoings, you’ll learn to have acceptance in order to move forward. Life is short if you take things for granted, but life is long when you realize the true value of it.
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RIP Uncle Nicholas. You will be missed.