In Ruth Ware’s fascinating new novel, “The Lying Game,” she describes an interesting phenomenon known as the Helpless Traveler. The Helpless Traveler effect is just this: you’re in a situation that you know how to handle, but you do feel a little lost and stressed out. Your friend is here, and they know exactly what is going on and seem to have an uncanny sense of confidence. Suddenly you feel relieved but also uncharacteristically insecure. They seem to have all the right answers and before you know it, they’re calling out directions, handling hotel bookings, dragging you by the arm when you take a wrong turn.You could have done all this by yourself, but they seem so in control of the situation that you relinquish all rights to decision making. Sure, that restaurant choice is terrible, but it is too late to suggest that your friend is in control. So terribly in control.
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The Helpless Traveler effect doesn’t just happen when you’re on a trip, it happens in everyday life. Think about this, you’re in a study group for class. One group member is simply brilliant and knows all the steps to solving the equation you’re working on, so before you know it, you’re swept away scribbling down answers, but you haven’t actually learned how to solve the problem on your own.
Maybe you’re in a conversation with friends and you’ve got a great explanation for the plot twist in Game of Thrones, but someone else has an even better explanation that they start telling everyone and you stand there mute. They stole your thunder, but all you do afterward is lamely echo “yeah that’s what I thought happened, too.”
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So what can you do about it? Start to take back your control in situations where you feel the Helpless Traveler effect overcoming you. Recognize that whether or not your friend (or the person in the situation) is smarter, more confident or more talented than you, you should stand your ground and finish what you wanted to accomplish. Start with small steps. Maybe you’re explaining the new Netflix show “MindHunter” to your friends, but someone in the group has already seen it. And now they want to interrupt you and explain because they’ve already binge-watched the whole thing and trust me their version is better. Nope. Take back your ground and continue what you were saying. I agree, the series’ actor Jonathan Groff is hot.
You don’t have to take over entire situations in order to gain back control that is being threatened by a spotlight champion. You only have to make sure your voice/opinion/concern is heard. Next time, be a Confident Traveler.