Katy Perry ft. Juicy J – Dark Horse
‘She can be my Sleeping Beauty, I’m gon’ put her in a coma’
Is this supposed to be some kind of flirtatious statement? Is this supposed to leave females feeling flustered Juicy’s bad-boy attitude? ‘Yo girl, you so hot I’ma put you in a COMA’. Can someone please explain to this confused young man that ‘getting a girl into bed’ should not entail a permanent spot in a hospital bed.
Taylor Swift – We Are Never Getting Back Together
‘I say, “I hate you,” we break up, you call me, “I love you.”’
‘And me falling for it screaming that I’m right’
Anyone else think this poor guy had a lucky escape? Taylor, honey, if you’re telling your boyfriend you hate him and repeatedly screaming “I’M RIGHT” at him, he’s going to need some space. By the sounds of it, this gentle soul was in a permanent battle trying to either diffuse the ticking time-bomb that is Taylor Swift, or running as far away as he could before she blew. Keep running mate, and don’t look back.
T Pain – Church
‘Before the end of the night I’m gonna have to take your ass to church’
Sounds more like a threat I’d get from my Mum after wrapping my sister in Sellotape one too many times when we were kids.
Tyga – Rack City
‘If you ain’t got no ass bitch wear a poncho’
It’s actually age old fashion advice, ladies. If you’re self-conscious about your butt, just throw a poncho on! They’re warm while allowing a breeze, leave plenty of space for arm movement, and most importantly cover that shamefully flat bum of yours. Thanks Tyga!
Ylvis – Fox
If anyone knows what the fox does say, comment below. More to the point, I’d like to contest the notion that…
‘fish go blub’
Fish do not go blub. Fish don’t make noise. Maybe a better title for this snippet of lyrical genius would have been ‘What Do The Fox and The Fish Say?’
Eminem ft. Nate Dogg – Shake That
‘I like good p**sy and I like good trees’
And I like a man who appreciates some quality foliage. These guys are keepers.
Lil Jon – Get Low
‘Now bring it back up clap yo ass like hands’
I’M SORRY LIL JON BUT I CAN’T DO THIS. Is this even possible? No-one’s butt is remotely hand shaped. Lil Jon, you’re asking too much – you’re probably feeling agitated thanks to all that sweat dripping down your nether regions.
Rihanna – Where Have You Been
‘Where have you been?Cause I never see you outAre you hiding from me, yeahSomewhere in the crowd?’
Speaking from experience, Ri, if a guy is hiding from you in a crowd, it’s time to give up the game. Even you are not exempt from restraining orders.
One Direction – What Makes You Beautiful
‘The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,But when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell’
Look me in the eye, Harry Styles, and tell me that if I started flipping my hair as if I had a nervous twitch, and staring at the ground smiling demonically, that you would think I was beautiful. Tell me that you would want me over Taylor Swift or Caggie Dunlop. Point. Proven. Lyrics. Stupid.
Edited by Luisa Parnell