I’m not questioning whether people can be friendly with the opposite gender. Naturally, most people with maturity can do that. What I mean is: can a boy become really close to a girl without ever wanting to get with her? Is it always possible for girls to develop intimate friendships with boys without ever having thoughts of crossing unspoken boundaries? No matter what your initial thoughts and opinions are, I can almost guarantee that at some point, you’ll question them (admittedly just as I did). Can guys and girls truly just be friends?
It probably makes sense if from the offset we acknowledge that unsurprisingly, the genders are nearly completely divided on this. Ask any girl the question and almost always the answer will be ‘Of course they can’. Ask any boy and his response will generally vary, with fewer than anticipated saying they can.
For me, most girls’ views on the existence of platonic friendships is expected. For girls, it’s easy to establish such friendships – any boy who you really get along with and doesn’t appear to be trying to get with you, can become a boy that you are very close to. One that you would never see ‘in that way’ and importantly, one that would also never see you ‘in that way’. It nearly explains why almost always whenever you hear the phrase ‘I just don’t see them like that’ being used, it’s normally coming from a girl.
However, consider this – have either you or the boy you view as very close, ever tried anything, no matter how brief/minor, in the past? Some girls I posed the question to, after thought, acknowledged that a lot of guys they are close to, had previously tried something. Could you 100% say that if the opportunity arose for the first time, or even again, boys you are close to, wouldn’t try anything? Even if there was no impact on your friendship? Can you yourself categorically say that you also wouldn’t try anything if no repercussions existed?
When it comes to boys, generally lines and boundaries are far less firm. A surprisingly large proportion of males with close female friends would not hesitate to jump at the opportunity to try something with her if they could. A small number of my male friends (with many close female friends I must add) even stopped as short as, the only females they would rule off limits were relations. Again, with anything, this to me is an extreme and an anomalous outlook on the matter. Most boys I asked took a more relaxed approach. The general consensus tended to be if there was any sort of physical attraction to a close female friend and the opportunity arose, they wouldn’t say no. Mostly the only thing stopping them would be any awkwardness or lasting impact on their friendship.
There are boys, one of those including myself, who did feel that completely platonic relations with girls do exist and are necessary. Those in which even if the opportunity arose, they would never consider taking. In writing this article I’ve realized for me it’s all dependent on initial attractiveness. I personally find it easy to develop close friendships with females. Because I don’t start off relations attracted to many girls, close friendships are normally easily established before any attraction comes. This means that even though I can acknowledge they are attractive on both a physical and an emotional level, I myself am not attracted to them in that way and completely view them as just friends – similar to part of the reason I feel girls find it so easy to form and view many friendships as platonic.
A lot of it is dependent on not only the type of person, but also on your definition of friendship. Everyone’s definition is unique. Personally, true friendship to me is – ‘I am really close to you, to the point where gender is a completely irrelevant aspect of our friendship’ and with that I would say, guys and girls can really just be friends because I myself have friendships of that description.
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Edited by Amelia Bauer-Madden