It sucks having a mental illness at any time of year – whether that’s depression, anxiety, anorexia, OCD, bulimia…maybe you’ve even been hit with more than one. However the holiday season is a particularly difficult time for anyone suffering, with even more pressure than usual to be happy, to participate, to be ‘normal’.
Firstly, mental illness is not something you can just ‘switch off’ as it’s convenient for others. If it was, those affected would be switching if off for themselves. The worst misconception about these illnesses is that they are attention seeking and also self-inflicted. Just like nobody sets out to break their leg, nobody chooses to contract depression.
Nobody wants to hate themselves, or feel like they aren’t good enough, or be the one shaking as they serve up the turkey, or catching their breath as they walk into a crowded room. However these are genuine issues people will be facing in the coming weeks, and ones I’ve faced myself in past years.
Here are a few suggestions that will hopefully make your holiday season not only more tolerable but enjoyable (though please do not think I’m writing this under any illusion that one small article will make things magically better – this is to help you with your problems, rather than solve them):
Plan ahead
Before you head home for the holidays, try and come up with some coping strategies you’re going to use to handle what’s approaching. These can be discussed with someone you trust (a medical professional, friend or family member) or you can just take time for yourself to figure these out.
It may be practicing some deep breathing techniques or perhaps setting limits for how far you’ll push yourself in whatever battle you’re facing. The important thing is to have them in place to draw on when needed.
Don’t be afraid to say no
As quite possibly the busiest time of the year, there may be events occurring daily that seem to demand your attention. Mental illnesses can feel incredibly isolating, and everyone will respond differently to this newfound craziness depending on how they react to certain situations.
However it’s important to remember that there’s no point going too far and overstretching yourself if it’s going to cause more damage later on. Some people stress that saying no shouldn’t mean you’re being selfish, but here I’m suggesting you shouldn’t be afraid to be selfish! Prioritise yourself and your needs, and everyone around you will probably be happier for it as well.
Take time for yourself
As part of saying no, remember to take some downtime away from family and friends if necessary. Perhaps skip the party and stay in with your siblings to watch a favourite holiday classic, or go on a frosty walk ending in a cute café with hot chocolate.
Celebrating Christmas doesn’t have to mean constantly surrounding yourself with others or doing what they want you to do. Do things that you will find enjoyable – everyone else is, so it shouldn’t matter that your choices for what constitutes fun differ from the ‘norm’.
Set your limits
When battling any mental illness, you’re faced with constant challenges. However it can be hard to determine when saying no is feeding the mental illness and when saying yes is stretching yourself too far for that moment in time.
Alongside planning ahead, decide what you’re going to try to do this holiday season, but also don’t beat yourself up over it if you don’t quite achieve that goal. You’re doing the best you can; have patience with yourself.
Let someone around you know if you’re struggling
Finally, as self-focused as this post has been, it’s so important to reach out if you find yourself slipping into old habits or struggling over the holiday period. Really what this time of year is about is coming together with the ones you love, who are also the ones most likely to accept you no matter what.
Don’t be afraid that you’ll “ruin” someone’s celebration with your troubles, as it’s probably better for them to help you in the moment than if they later learn about your silent suffering. If you’re not comfortable speaking to a family member, there are plenty of other options available listed below when you just need to talk things out.
Mind Charity – Elefriends online support, available 10am-midnight – https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/support-community-elefriends/
Samaritans – 24/7 free phone service, at 116 123 – https://www.samaritans.org/
The Mix – Free phone service, at 0808 808 4994, available 11am-11pm- http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support
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