The age-old debate concerning whether a man and a woman can maintain a stable friendship- without romantic affections worming their way in- surprisingly still stands strong in the twenty-first century. Whilst the plethora of popular media like New Girl and golden-oldies like Friends suggest it is near impossible for either of you to keep it in your pants, it is important to remember that fiction is not reality and we’re not all on a Rachel and Ross rollercoaster of romance. We are not inevitably burdened with hormonal explosions that overwhelm any sense of will to maintain platonic relationships. Intimacy doesn’t have to be sexual. You shouldn’t be worried about your bestie becoming your beastie under the bed-sheets, and here’s why:
1. The Grisly Truth
Affairs of the heart may not be so easily contained, but it makes the job immeasurably easier when your journey through the ‘Friendzone’ together reveals a few grisly truths. Friendship is often similar to a romantic relationship, just without all the bewildering emotional gunk (plus you get to keep your clothes on most of the time). However, that’s the rub; seeing the best and worst of someone all at once without infatuation disguising your disgust. There are no rose-tinted glasses here.
When your guy friends are requesting what’s the best Tinder pick-up line whilst consuming a discarded kebab off of the floor outside of McDonalds, or when one fell unconscious on the toilet with his pants around his ankles and an ejaculating phallus sharpied onto his cheek – those are the confident intimacies between friends – you’re not going to be interested. You are not going to accept any romantic advances from a guy you’ve had the unfortunate experience to witness vomit on more than fifteen carpets in more than twenty-two colours. Neither of us believe you are that desperate. It would take one hell of a romantic gesture to erase the years of scarred memories.
2. Trust Your Instincts
As human beings, we have a keen intuition and have learnt to trust our instincts. We are the most successful species on the planet due to our pumpkin-sized brain which means we are acutely in tune with our feelings and impulses towards others.
‘First Impressions’ (Willis and Todorov, 2006) suggests that it takes as little as one tenth of a second for individuals to reach a judgement of someone they have just met: quite literally in the blink of an eye. This means that the pressure is off, ladies and gentlemen. This one-hundred millisecond evaluation means that your mind and your body have subconsciously already developed a decision as to whether you consider your five-year-long bestie a potential mate (and not the chummy ‘another-round-of drinks’ kind), way before you guys were even arguing about whether The Lion King or Frozen is the best Disney movie. That’s evolution for you.
So, good news: no butterflies means no romance. Matt can still be the Man of Honour at your future wedding and you can be content with the fact that the love bug won’t be squirming its way between your blanket-nights during a Netflix binge.
3. Don’t Overthink
Finally: don’t overthink. There are plenty of times that an apparent epiphany strikes. Probably whilst you’ve been sat having breakfast at the pub with Matt, your eggs benedict arrive at the table and, as if the plate is full of transcendent food, the realisation hits like a stray frisbee to the face. You’re alone with a man. Suddenly everything has changed; breakfast is no longer breakfast: ‘breakfast’ is now a ‘date’. Compose yourself, ladies. Of course this is an intimate situation because of course friendship requires a certain level of trust, desire for company and love.
But not all love is romantic.
The Ancient Greeks separated love into six very distinguishable types. We Brits, on the other hand, have just one word: love. Obviously we have fallen short in our intellectual capability of understanding the complexity of love, resulting in a monstrous hair-ball of internal panic. The Greeks would be disappointed. Don’t confuse your unsurpassed devotion and loyalty to friends- Philia; with your violent yearnings for hanky-panky – Eros . So, before you unload a tangled string of questions about the underlying meanings between you, Matt and your eggs benedict: calm down; don’t overthink; it’s only breakfast.
So, will your bestie inevitably become your beastie? No. Not all men and women are doomed to fall into an inescapable fated spiral of romance. It’s entirely possible to maintain a platonic relationship with a guy without his or your lust rising forth and pouncing on one another in a drunken embrace. If we locked-lips with every person we’ve ever been friends with, walking around campus would be mortifying. Remember: sexuality does not determine your friendships; compatibility and mentality do.
Edited by Sarah Holmes
Image sources:
TheBolde.com: http://www.thebolde.com/9-ways-to-deal-with-your-guys-best-female-friend/
CNN.com: http://edition.cnn.com/2014/02/28/tech/social-media/secret-social-apps/
FreedominChristianity.com: http://www.freedominchristianity.com/a-message-to-guys-about-friendships…
CocktailsandMovies.com: http://cocktailsandmovies.com/cocktails-movies-take-theater-just-friends/