Before you start rolling your eyes, this article will be as far from preachy as is possible when talking about vegetarianism. The guilt will be kept at an absolute minimum so hopefully you’ll enjoy your bacon sandwich ‘only slightly, only slightly less than you used to’. That’s not an accidental Morrissey quote since my decision to quit meat ties in heavily with his gig that I attended in Easter. Mozza showed an 8 minute long vid of piglets being slaughtered on a screen, while he shouted murder into the mic. Traumatic yes, but it’s fairly embarrassing to admit that Morrissey concert played any role in turning me veggie, so just don’t tell anyone else. Ta.
I’ve only been veggie since the 2nd of May this year. It would have been the 1st but I didn’t realise that some yoghurts contain gelatine (Muller Corners need to get it together on the labelling front). Since I’ve not been veggie for long, I’ll give you a taste (pun intended) of what awaits any recent converts to the cause.
1. “But don’t you miss…”
Why do non-veggies assume that everyone’s fave food is bacon? Seriously, I liked it when I ate it but was never a must have. I don’t really mind people asking me if I miss stuff but why does it always have to be bacon? Honestly though, I have regular dreams in which I’m just sat eating a box of 20 chicken nuggets and I’ve never been once been asked how much I miss them (the answer is a lot btw, but I’m struggling through don’t worry.)
2. Meals out
“Hey look, there are 2 vegetarian options on the menu!” Yeah alright pal, you enjoy the entire menu and I’ll just stick to my designated corner. Mushroom pasta or tomato pasta? Don’t I feel spoilt?!!!
3. HIDDEN MEAT
I’ve already mentioned this but it’s a particular nightmare. A veggie friend of mine once spent an entire night crying because someone covered a pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, which gave the pepperoni the opportunity of a sneak attack. While I did find the reaction hilariously dramatic at the time, I now know what it feels like to be betrayed by your food and I’m way more sympathetic (Muller Corners I’m still looking at you).
4. “You won’t last”
This one is usually from relatives. Why is everyone so intent on my failure? It’s rude. How can you possibly know that I won’t stay vegetarian? I may even go vegan YOU DON’T KNOW (ok lol I went too far, I’m not vegan)
5. “How do you stay healthy?”
Erm, I eat all my greens mate. I feel like some meat-eaters are forgetting the highly carcinogenic flesh they’re shovelling (look I said I’d try not to be preachy but it’s tough alright)…
Edited by Sarah Holmes
Image sources:
https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1sb1i6/beyonce_delivers/
http://cdn1.theodysseyonline.com