Finally, you spot it. After hours of searching through Internet pages of sports paraphernalia and “World’s Best Dad” travel mugs, there, practically staring back at you through the glow of your laptop screen, gleams the blurry eBay image of a vintage Chicago Blackhawks jersey. For years, you’ve watched ice hockey with your dad, so you know that such a jersey would make a fantastic gift this Father’s Day. Without a moment’s hesitation, you follow the link to complete your purchase, reminiscing about the first game you saw together.
Some of the earliest memories I have of my own dad are of the times when he’d scoop me up in his arms and spin me around the kitchen as we danced to my toddler-aged-interpretation of the Cha-Cha, the crisp scent of his aftershave, his hilarious Junie B. Jones reading voice. It was my father who taught me to write my name and to ride a bike, and he who took me to my very first baseball game. In fact, every time he wears his faded Reds cap, I remember that July ballgame. And so, I understand why the gift of a heartfelt scrapbook or signed glove holds such rich sentimental value when presented each Father’s Day. …but forget the Blackhawks jersey for a moment, ladies. Set down the Hallmark cards, Dad-and-grad gadgets, even the homemade picture frames and witty Looney Tunes neckties. As meaningful and special as these gifts may seem, the reality is that the most precious present you can give your father this year is your time.
In his 2013 study of human communication, Mark T. Mormon, Director of Graduate Studies and Professor of Communication Studies at Baylor University, explains why the gift of your time is so vital. According to Mormon, our relationships with our fathers require “…the masculine style of building closeness – called ‘closeness in the doing’ – whereas the feminine orientation is talking, ‘closeness in the dialogue.'” The results of his research revealed that the women studied felt closest to their fathers after participating in activities together. While a major portion of the research subjects reported that playing sports together provided a chance to connect on a regular basis, others noted that collaborating on projects around the house and even in the workplace allowed them to know their dads on a variety of levels. In each case, it was the joint activity, the “closeness in the doing” which led to dialogue between these women and their fathers. Spending time together was crucial to their connection, just as it is for any healthy relationship.
However, the fact remains that whether you live five minutes or five-hundred miles away from campus, the physical distance from your father that you experience during college creates the opportunity for an emotional distance to unfold as well. Because you see less and less of each other, the father-daughter bond becomes harder and harder to maintain. Yet, as Mormon’s study echoes, this particular relationship is one of the most important to our lives, and ultimately, to our happiness. In a decade in which the U.S. Census Bureau reports that 24 million children across America – one out of every three – live in biological fatherless homes; those of us fortunate enough to spend Father’s Day with our dads ought to consider ourselves lucky.
At the end of the day, you must remember that this is the man who helped you file your taxes when you began your first job, the one who will cheer your name when you graduate from law school with top honors. This is the man who held you in his arms on the day you drew your first breath, and the same man whose memory recalls that very day every time you move back to South Bend for school. As a college student, you feel the time flying by in the near blink of an eye, but for him, the clock seems to tick even faster. Go ahead, buy the Blackhawks jersey and card this holiday weekend, but be sure to spend the valuable time you have with your dad, and have a very happy Father’s Day!