So there I stood. Crop top and shorts. Freezing, but telling myself that if I just walked fast enough to the dorm, somehow my impractical outfit might actually keep me warm. Touching up my make up for the hundredth time just to put on another, even heavier layer of mascara. Looking in the mirror and barely resembling the girl who started out at Notre Dame only seven weeks ago.
They say college is the time to find yourself, but what happens when you feel like you are too far off the map to be found?
When you go to a top school, like Notre Dame, you were chosen because for the most part, you knew who you were and you excelled at it. Put a bunch of kids together who were all valedictorians, star athletes, and presidents of every clubs in high school, and it’s inevitable you’ll have an identity crisis.
You aren’t going to be the same person you were when you were first accepted or even when you first started at college. You are going through a culture shock and have to adjust yourself to a new way of life.
Change is a good thing. It may not seem like it now because you don’t entirely know who you’re changing into.
Sometimes you need to get out of your comfort zone, but know that there’s a difference between breaking out of a comfort zone and crossing a line you’re not comfortable with. Make sure the person you’re becoming is the person you actually want to be. It’s never too late to change your image. You aren’t tied down by a reputation and if you don’t like your reputation, take the initiative to reinvent yourself.
The truth is, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, with more skin exposed than I had ever previously thought was acceptable while wearing that crop top, smushed into a dark, loud dorm party. But admitting this person you are currently isn’t who you want to be is the first step to this journey of self discovery.
So the truth about finding yourself… Honestly, you aren’t that lost. It’s acceptable, even encouraged to question your identity in college. Question your major, your social groups, your career aspirations. Questioning means you are being extremely thoughtful about your future; you aren’t mindlessly going through the motions.
Besides, maybe college isn’t all about finding yourself. Sure, that’s the stereotype, but college is an individual experience. Each person gets something different from it. Maybe your faith is strengthened at Notre Dame. Maybe you find an area of study you’re passionate about. Maybe you even find your best friends while in college. Or all three!
(Maybe you’ll even find a friend who will dress up in a cat onesie with you!)
This Friday night I will go out, but with an adjustment in the wardrobe department. I’ll stick to my classic sweater and legging combo, and finally feel a little more like myself, inside and out. I may still feel a little more lost than found at the moment, but I now know I am taking a step in the right direction by learning who I am by experiencing who I don’t want to be.
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