To ease any worries about this fresh school year, Ryan Hall RAs Emily Voorde and Mary Wickert are back to respond to a number of questions that have arisen as the Notre Dame class of 2018 settles into first year dorm life.
I would love to know how to make friends/meet people the first few weeks without it being too awkward. Any tips?
After Frosh-O, DomerFest, pep rallies, dorm Masses, and classes, you’ve probably had the opportunity to meet an array of diverse individuals. One way to maintain these connections and build lasting friendships is by continuing to reach out to those people you’ve already met, and by being open to students you might not know as well. As I always say, food is a fantastic means of bringing people together. You could invite your hall mates to a night in of baking or pizza and movies. Gather a gang of people in your section to play ultimate frisbee or soccer on McGlinn fields against another section or dorm. Now is a typical time for freshmen to experience homesickness, so lend your shoulder to cry on and be supportive. Walk to class with someone from your dorm who has a similar schedule so that she won’t have to walk alone. There are countless ways to get involved in the campus community and meet people, but you have to be a friend to make friends.
My roommate and I cannot stand each other. What should I do?!
RA Mary Wickert tells HCND, “At Notre Dame, roommate situations are a little bit different than other schools since your roommate is randomly assigned to you freshman year. I personally had a great roommate freshman year, and I know a lot of people who did as well. Some people aren’t as lucky, but I think a good thing to remember is that you don’t have to be best friends with your roommate – you just need to be able to live together.” Certainly, the two of you will have disagreements, and your personalities may clash so severely that you do not see any hope of becoming friends. The important distinction you have to make for yourself is whether these disagreements simply make it hard to like, or hard to live with, your roommate.
During a homily at last week’s dorm Mass, Father Joe “FJ” Carey, CSCof Ryan Hall told a story of two residents who, years ago, requested to be moved into separate living conditions. “How well do you know each other?” FJ asked the young men.
“We’ve never really spoken,” responded one of the roommates. Father Joe then instructed the young men to set aside ten minutes each day for talking and getting to know each other. After the first week, the young men came to see FJ again. Expecting to hear another complaint, the priest in residence inquired about the latest conflict. “It’s nothing, sir. We just wanted to know if we could speak for more than ten minutes.”
The value of human interaction is immeasurable. So, as a matter of must, get to know your roommate! Grab a meal together, hit the gym; tell each other about your hometowns. Do you know how to effectively communicate with her? Do you seek to resolve conflicts with her directly before telling your RA, rector, or friends about the situation? Do you tell her immediately if an action of hers has hurt you or a habit of hers bothers you, or do you let your feelings fester inside of you until they drive you crazy? Do you seek to find common ground, or do you throw out accusations? To deal with these matters effectively, find a time when you are both free and calm enough to talk face-to-face about any issue at hand before seeking intervention, and do not wait for weeks on end to hold conversations like this.
Resolving a problem often involves compromise, and that can’t happen without proper communication. If this method of direct communication fails and only leads to more arguments, it is then perfectly appropriate to seek the guidance of your RA or rector. You may find that establishing a roommate contract leads to civility, at the very least, between you and your roommate, and you will both be held accountable for your actions. Here, HGTV offers a comprehensive guide for navigating five potential roommate difficulties.
What if someone gets sick?
“If you’re sick and unable to attend class, it’s important to email your professor as soon as possible. Different professors have different attendance policies, but most that I’ve encountered are very understanding and willing to work to make sure you don’t fall behind. Again, it’s very much about mutual respect. If you’re honest and engaged in class, your professor will see this and will be more than understanding if you get sick. It happens to all of us! In general, be sure to let me [an RA] know if you aren’t feeling well! I can help by bringing tea/snacks, taking you to the off-campus pharmacy for medicine, or I can even come along with you to our on-campus clinic, St. Liam’s!” replies Emily Voorde.
It may be necessary to contact university health services, and calling home is an absolute must if the illness requires serious medical attention. Education is important, but your health is even more critical. You can’t work on a lab or take decent notes if you have to vomit every hour, so take time to rest up. If your roommate is sick, do your best to help her without becoming ill as well. If she is well enough, you can text her periodically to help monitor her sickness, and be sure to let an authority in your residence hall know that she is sick before you leave for classes in the morning. It may be necessary to contact her parents as well.
You can do far more than simply “survive” this first year, freshmen. You are going to learn, truly learn, about those things which you are curious and passionate about. You are going to train your mind, body, and soul to be the absolute best they can be. You are going to travel, and sing at the top of your lungs, and rejoice in the pure and uncontainable joy that is the freedom of honestly, and unabashedly, loving life. These next four years are one part of that grander scale, that ultimate goal, and I have every confidence in your ability to find your way. Best of luck, and go Irish!
Special thanks to the Ryan Hall RAs for their generous support and advice throughout the compilation of The Dorm Room Survival Guide! Read the last installment here: The Dorm Room Survival Guide: Organization!
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