Being in a relationship means spending a lot of time with my boyfriend, and, therefore, with his friends as well. This is not a bad thing – they’re all really nice guys and I always have a lot of fun when I’m with them. Sometimes I accidentally end up involved in conversations I would rather not overhear. For the most part, I choose to ignore the parts that I don’t want to associate with, but a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but be struck by something said by one of them. I don’t exactly remember the entire conversation but it involved rating girls and that all guys do it and that girls just don’t get it.
I tried to get it. I really tried to. But I honestly cannot look at a girl and think, “Oh wow, she’s definitely a four.” In fact, I don’t see any girl and think, “Wow, how unfortunate.” Maybe this is because I don’t want to think anyone looks at me and thinks I’m fat or ugly, maybe I just honestly don’t think anybody is inherently ugly, maybe I’m crazy. I just don’t understand why this is a practice. It’s stupid to care about what people think, but honestly I care. For some reason, I care that maybe one of my boyfriend’s friends thinks I’m a four. I want to be a ten, for goodness sake! I’d even settle for maybe a six. But oh my goodness, what if I’m a four?
I really dislike the fact that, in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder what my boyfriend rated me when he first saw me. Or his friends. Or any guy, really. A seven? It shouldn’t even matter, it’s not relevant. It’s not like I’m going to apply for a job and the recruiter is going to poll fifty people to see if I’m at least a six.
As a matter of fact, the whole idea of rating girls is hurtful. No one should have to worry about how good people think you are based on a number on a one to ten scale. You should think about how anyone that loves you thinks you’re more beautiful than a ten. Anyone that matters will see you for everything you are. They remember how you can play Beethoven like a concert pianist, paint portraits as detailed as photographs, or kick butt on the soccer field. They know you’re the best to go to for advice, that you’ll always have something funny to say, or that you’d drop anything to help someone.
Those are the things that matter. The people who care about what you care about, who want to support you and love you for everything that you are the people that don’t sit around rating you out of ten.
I can’t stop people from rating girls out of 10. I can’t stop myself from caring, even though I really shouldn’t. What I can do is remind myself that the people that love me will love me even when I’m not wearing makeup and even when I feel fat one day. I can remind myself that even though other people will judge me, because that’s how the world works, those judgments don’t matter. I know that the people who don’t care to see me for everything I am aren’t worth worrying about. So I’ll worry about loving me for everything I am, and loving the people who love me for everything I am – ten out of ten or not.
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