By no means does everyone’s college experience include sex, but if yours does, I have some must-haves for you! Every sexual relationship is different, but I’ve compiled a list of five big things that are crucial to every sexual relationship.
Communication
Every relationship requires communication and relationships with sexual partners are no different. One of the keys to good sex is good communication. It’s non-negotiable. You should discuss your and your partner’s expectations prior to sex and if something goes wrong, talk about it after! If you’re communicating well, the sex will be better and safer for everyone involved. If you want to try something new, tell them. Ask what you did well and let them know if there’s something they could do differently. It’s important to go about it respectfully, but by being open and honest with your partner, you’re improving the experience for both of you.
Consent
I feel like this should go without saying, but CONSENT IS ALWAYS NECESSARY. It doesn’t matter if this is a one-time hookup, an FWB, or your significant other of 5 years. Consent is important and required before and during a sexual encounter. No exceptions. If you’re exploring new territory, consent is especially important. While I’ve found the word “stop” to be effective, you and your partner could discuss using some sort of safe word to be sure that you’re both comfortable with what’s going on. Remember: only “yes” means “yes”.
Foreplay
Sex without foreplay is a little bit like Olive Garden without breadsticks. It’s fine, but you notice that there’s something missing. Some people might disagree with me on this, but sex is so much better with foreplay. You’re more into it, they’re more into it, and, personally, I’m like 3x more likely to get off if I’m sufficiently…prepared. Maybe it’s just me, but I honestly doubt that it’s just me.
Variety
Missionary is great and everything, but it can get pretty old. Sticking to just one position is a surefire way to make your sex life go stale. Google some stuff and mix it up a little bit. No need for acrobatics or anything, but variety is the spice of life. This is where communication becomes super important. By being honest and open with your partner, you’re able to keep things fresh and exciting for both of you. Adding variety can be as simple as adding a couple of positions to your repertoire, introducing toys, or trying roleplay. Through communication, all things are possible.
Safety
If you don’t care about your partner’s safety or vice versa, you should not be having sex with them!!! Safe sex includes using protection, safe words, and being educated and prepared for anything new that you’re implementing in the bedroom. It’s not only about protecting yourself, but also about protecting your partner, which is an important part of respecting them. Neglecting safety considerations is not only risky for both (or all) parties, but it’s inconsiderate. Be safe.
What defines good sex to me may not define good sex to you, but overall, these five things provide a solid framework. If you’re not having sex, great. If you are, make it great.
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