Sophomore year of high school was rough. Tough classes were starting to pick up, my friend group had shrunk and the year itself didn’t hold many events. But it was also the first school year I went without my father in my life.
Christmas of the year before, my father chose to leave his four children and wife of almost 20 years because he was having an affair with a co-worker (cliché, I know). For me, that meant the rest of freshman year consisted of trying not to think about, brushing it off and being positive for my three younger siblings.
But by that second year, I was burnt out. I had lost all ambition and I was getting more and more depressed. I didn’t want to go to school and made my mom keep me home more days than any other year. Everything stressed me out and I began to hate things that I used to love like band and soccer. I didn’t care about my appearance like I once had and one slight failure or below average performance that I would have been able to brush off before made me crumble into someone who thought herself worthless. When I look back on my sophomore year, all I see is a big blur or hole.
But then I found Taylor. Or I should say I found her again. The first time was when I was 12 years old and saw her performance of “Teardrops on My Guitar” on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve in 2008. I ran to my mom the morning after with my iPod and asked her to put it on there. Begged really, as my mom hates country music and almost refused. I dislike country music as well. But there was just something relatable and lovable about Taylor.
Flash forward to when I was 16 and listening to my newly purchased Speak Now CD. This was my first full Swift CD and I had never felt something so real from music before. I was in this dark space and Taylor Swift’s songs just struck a chord. She gets criticized for writing about her parade of exes, but what I heard was a girl who was hurting, whether from a boy or from some other life event. She described situations of broken promises and supposedly strong bonds that were broken. She sometimes begs for what she once had, but then seeks redemption, solace and even revenge.
With each new album, Swift adds more life experiences as she grows. And even though she is 6 years older than me, I am also finding I can still find myself in her songs. I still hurt like she does and I still heal from her words. And she continues to be a great role model, emphasizing self-love and choosing yourself, and your girls, over a guy.
Many criticize Taylor for not being perfect. They bring up her lawsuits (which often don’t get the full stories told). They bring up how she only preaches for feminism when it suits her. And they speak of her tearing down other women. I’m obviously not in Swift’s squad (unfortunately), and I can only speak to what I know. But I do know that Taylor has made me a better person. She gave me the strength, and still does, to get through tough situations. She stands up for herself and other musicians.
She of course isn’t perfect, as seen with the Nicki Minaj twitter dispute, but to assume that she is or should be is wrong. I am also still learning about intersectionality and all the other amazing facets of feminism. To assume that at 26 Taylor would be a feminist up to the standards of Bell Hooks or Gloria Steinem is a little too much to ask. Especially considered Taylor just realized the full meaning of feminism within the last couple of years.
Taylor is all about empowering women. I took my sister to Taylor’s 1989 concert over the summer and was blown away, not just at her out-of-this-world performances and energy. But at her connection with her audience. She couldn’t have tailored her speeches more to what my sister and I needed to hear. My sister is so hung up on her looks and other people’s opinions. But when Taylor told us to embrace ourselves and admitted that “it’s never been harder to feel okay about yourself than it is in 2015,” my sister was mesmerized. Swift basically described my sister’s daily struggle of not fitting in her skin and made her feel okay for it. She gave my sister some much needed advice and since then Kayla has doubted herself less and less.
Yes, Taylor Swift is successful and sometimes successful people do silly things. But so do unsuccessful people. And smart people. And people in general. But Taylor has also done more good for me and all her other fans than most artists and celebrities. She connects all of us and brings us just immense and unadulterated joy. No artist has influenced me in the way Taylor Swift has.
Taylor Swift saved me and for that I will love her. Forever and Always.