When I left for college, most of my friends were still at home, in high school, going through their senior year. Meanwhile I was having all my freshman experiences, learning more about who I was, and changing and growing in that process. But my friends were changing too, and, without me realizing it, growing apart. While I wasn’t there, my friends stopped being friends.
When I returned for winter break, it was shocking. Everyone had gone their separate ways – including me. It was hard to reconcile who my friends had been when I was there and who they were now. But I had changed too, and I didn’t realize how destructive change can be to relationships.
I should have seen the signs that things were changing just in our communication – before we talked every day, and now I was lucky to get a response, and usually it only came once a month or so. Before we had been so close, and I wondered how we could get it back, how do you revive something that’s half dead? Well, take a cue from an overused Grey’s Anatomy trope and give it an electric shock.
What do I mean by this exactly? Confront the problem head on. In my case, it was a text to the GroupMe – “Why don’t we talk anymore?” It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s totally worth it. Get your friends talking about why they are not communicating, and all of the sudden, they are communicating! Nine out of ten times, talking about an issue and listening to people will give you the solution you want. My friends really just wanted someone to ask about them, just like I wanted them to ask about me. We all want to feel like people care, so the trick to maintaining those friendships, even when it seems like everything has changed, is to ask why. You can’t forget that you’ve changed too, so you have to be open to the new person your friend is, because they are also giving you a chance!
After my friends and I confronted our changes, we were closer than ever before. Now, in my sophomore year, my friends are all freshmen, and changing again, but this time we are sticking together, and keeping up with one another, even when the person we are each becoming scares us. It’s hard – I never said it wasn’t – but maintaining those friendships from home is one of the most worthwhile things you can do for yourself, especially when you’re feeling homesick and need a dose of those people who always know how to make you smile.
Images: College Admission Bible, Listovative, Ele Hagermoser, Samantha Casesa