Going into college, I received an overwhelming amount of advice from friends, family members, extended family members and strangers about how to navigate the dating scene on campus. My 21-year-old cousin who claims to “know the ropes” advised me to not commit myself to the first guy I meet and to not feel obligated to “get with” everyone. My mother told me to “pace myself” and “make friends before boyfriends.” But, I didn’t heed any of their suggestions, and I stayed in a relationship with my boyfriend from back home.
Because of this commitment, I play the role of the observer who sees how college hookups come to be or not to be. Every time I go out with my friends, I listen to their meticulous plans about who to hook up with, how to get their attention without looking too desperate and the backup plan if this one fails.
I remember how easy movies made college hookups and relationships seem. My mind was filled with false expectations like the gorgeous guy next door, or the nerdy boy who ends up being extremely sexy once you take the glasses off. These magical movie characters seem to only exist on the big screen. At college, hooking up is not all it’s cut out to be.
My group of girlfriends have experienced awful hookups, ghosting, clingy guys and a complete lack of action. Here are some of the best stories I’ve heard about the reality of college hookups from my closest, anonymous (I promise they exist) friends.
Friends, ghosting and puppies
Sexual tension was arising in my friend group between *Jake and *Amanda. Finally, it was Halloween weekend and they dressed up together as Wendy and Squints from The Sandlot. Their night was fun and flirtatious. But when it started to get serious, the chemistry fizzled away. “He wouldn’t stop biting my lip,” said Amanda. She felt bad because Jake was a horrible kisser. She didn’t know how to back away from the bad hookup so she pulled the “I’m uncomfortable because we’re too good of friends” excuse. She literally had to make up multiple excuses to get out of the room, and when she finally left, she had her scarred lip to remind her of the evening. “My lip was bruised. It was actually blue the next day,” said Amanda. She wasn’t making this up, I saw said lip in-person.
My other friend, let’s call her *Sarah, is cute and tiny with a short, little bob that bounces up and down when she walks. She did some major networking before coming to school and became friends with this guy on Facebook. When they finally made plans to meet in-person, the interaction was extremely awkward. “After he saw me at that party, he ghosted me,” said Sarah. Ghosting is when the person you have been talking to completely seizes all communication, and essentially turns into a ghost. This happened to Sarah, and as you can imagine, it wasn’t the biggest confidence booster. Every weekend, I hear about Sarah’s failed conquests and how hard it is to hook up with someone. “I really thought I would’ve hooked up with so many more people by now,” she said.
I’ve discovered that either guys are complete jerks and want nothing to do with you, or they are “puppies,” the term my roommate coined to signify a clingy guy. She had first hand experience with one of these boys, who basically told her he loved her after they kissed.
Every time my girl group goes out, significant planning goes into who they’re going to hook up with and how they’re going to pull it off. Maybe the hookup scene on other campuses is different, but here it seems to be a strenuous endeavor to get what you really want.
(*, names changed for privacy)