A Healthy Coping Mechanism: Writing Yourself a Letter
I wrote myself a letter recently. I wrote a letter from me to the present me. It seems stupid, I know, but I think it is something that may just be dumb enough to work.
In college, students tend to develop negative and sometimes detrimental coping mechanisms. I had found myself developing some habits to deal with my stress that were not only counterproductive but also were starting to affect my emotional and physical health. I had become obsessed with what I ate, with excelling in my studies, and ultimately, like many other college students, had developed an unhealthy drinking habit. What I eventually found was that food, grades, and vodka were not going to solve my problems.
So I wrote myself a letter. What I found unique and helpful about the process was stepping away from myself for a second and trying to view my life from an outsider’s perspective. I tried to imagine what it would be like if I had followed myself for the past week and saw what others saw. Experts say that if you are ruminating on a certain situation or a particular stressor the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation and try to explain it from a bystander’s point of view. That is exactly what I did; I wrote the letter explaining to myself what I saw from the outside.
As I wrote the letter, I found myself thinking what I would share it with others. Thinking that if others read the letter they would understand why I had been acting and behaving the way I had. I felt like I was writing it to try to receive others’ empathy and hopefully, even their sympathy. But that was not the point of writing the letter. I had to shake those hidden intentions and realize I was writing the letter not for others to understand my behavior but for me to realize why I was acting and making decisions that were out of my character.
If you ever decide to write yourself a letter, there is an important tone you must use when addressing yourself. Dalai Lama once stated: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Buddha also emphasized that “you yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Even though I have made some of the dumbest choices in my life this past month, when writing the letter, I realized there was no point in coming down on myself. What good would that do? I spoke to myself in an uplifting manner and acknowledged my mistakes but described to myself how I learned from them. More than anyone else, I know how much I need love and support right now, and I should be giving that respect and encouragement to myself and not just seeking support from others.
So next time you find yourself stressed beyond what you thought was possible, take five to ten minutes and write to yourself. Write in a non-judgemental manner and address all the possible stresses and circumstances that may be affecting you. But most importantly, you deserve your own love and respect. Take this moment to not come down hard on yourself. All you need, is to do yourself this small favor: write yourself a letter.