As a sophomore, I was like many girls in the college scene: Trying to get over my last breakup, going out with friends and doing anything to dodge the creepers on the dance floor… and of course just waiting to go on one date with a nice guy. So soon enough, I did get a date, and ultimately, an amazing boyfriend.
Ken and I had met at his MIT fraternity’s house, and started dating in the beginning of my third year at Northeastern. At the time he was a senior, busy applying to the top graduate schools in the country. It had never really occurred to me that he might go somewhere further than MIT or within the Northeast. So when he got his acceptance letter to Stanford University in California, reality kind of set in pretty quickly: Ken would be going home to Europe for the summer and off to California in the fall. Was I about to do a long-distance relationship already?
So then came the big question: To break up or make it work? So many relationships quickly come to end just because of the fear of being so far away from your boyfriend/girlfriend. But why not try it? Ken and I actually never had a clear discussion of what we were to do in our situation; I guess we both just assumed our relationship was worth the distance no matter how far it was.
So how did we make it work?
Well, Ken is from Europe, so we first started the summer being oceans apart. It was hard to get used to the no cell phone thing, but G-mail and Skype quickly became two new daily activities of mine. And surprisingly, it wasn’t too bad. For any long-distance relationship, I believe it makes such a difference in actually seeing the person while talking, versus texting or calling them every day. We continued this daily Skype schedule when he moved to California as well. All couples are different, and some forms of communication work better than others, but I believe communication is key in making any long-distance relationship work. Ken and I dated only six months before we began the long-distance roller coaster, and I guess you could say I have learned a lot about myself, our relationship, and what it takes to really make something so important work.
I know, for most girls including myself, it is hard to be so attached to someone while being so far away from them. But it is extremely important to have a life apart as well and do the things that have always made you happy. Speaking from experience, I know the feeling of just wanting to be with my boyfriend and that nothing else seems to compare, but no matter what, keep going on with the things that you have always enjoyed as an individual. This will only make your relationship stronger, but will also be more exciting for each other. And it is okay to have some “down” days; long distance love is never easy. So go out with your friends, go shopping, or even talk to someone about how you feel. Never dwell on how hard things may seem because being positive will only help your relationship.
Trust each other. Trust is key in any relationship, but especially long distance. In my case, there are large spans of time where I am not visiting Ken, but no matter what, I trust him. I believe trust in any relationship promotes stability; without it, things may get tough.
And last but not least, look forward to the good things that come out of the distance in between the two of you. I believe alternating visits over the long distance time period works best for both people. Check for long weekends, long breaks, and good deals on flights (if it applies to you). Being with someone who is from another country, and currently lives across the country from me, has quickly made airline deals a big part of my spending. And I know it can get pretty expensive, so try setting limits to your spending on other things. I have always been a girl who loves to shop, but I put an end to the shopping sprees and began to save up for my big trips. I never imagined I would experience the great chocolates and beer of Belgium, the Eiffel tower in Paris, skiing in the French Alps, and the seals of San Francisco with my boyfriend. So look toward your visits and enjoy every minute of them when you do get the chance.