To tell you the truth, I don’t know much about dating, and I’m still terrified of the concept of a date. I think even social people also have a fear of dating to an extent, so I suppose this could also be addressed to the non-awkward people who turn into a piece of stale bread at hearing the phrase, “Would you go on a date with me?”
I just made that ridiculous phrase up, but I think you get more of a visual with it.
Anyhow, I’m not writing this to demonstrate my prowess and superiority in the advanced and complicated world of dating. I haven’t been on many dates in my life. I’m writing this to pass down the little wisdom I have acquired through the years of my very barren love life in order to potentially help you with yours because I know how it feels to be completely petrified. These might be common sense to people with acute social skills, but they certainly weren’t for me.
1. If you have had a few conversations with the person who asked you out, you don’t need to hide the fact that you’re awkward (which will make you more awkward in the first place since you’re over-analyzing your every move, utterance, and thought) because they already know you’re awkward. If you haven’t previously had much conversation with them and they asked you out, it’s your time to show them who you actually are–awkward or not–because frankly, you don’t need to consume your time and effort into being someone you’re not. And who knows? They might like your awkwardness. They might even be awkward, too, and together, you can bask in the awkwardness you share. If they don’t end up liking you, you can just go on with your life as always.
2. Don’t be afraid to initiate things. You know that awkward silence when you guys know you’re about to kiss but nothing’s happening? If you’re into that and you think it’s romantic, go with the flow. Wait until you both know it’s the right time to kiss. But what if that awkward silence is the most horrifying, gut-wrenching moment of your life? (Alright, I’m being a tad dramatic, but you get the point.) If you want to kiss your date, be forward with them. “I’d like to kiss you right now, is that okay?” or something of that variation is okay since you’re asking for their consent first. If you don’t want to kiss them, then thank them for a good time but say you’re not ready to kiss them yet. And if you don’t want to kiss them ever in the future, simply tell them the truth.
3. If you and your date end up, say, going to a movie that isn’t very good or eating at a restaurant that’s mediocre, that’s not in any way you or your date’s fault. Don’t worry about them thinking because you chose the restaurant/movie/event and it ended up being boring or unsatisfactory that it’s your fault (or vice-versa). The date is made up of multiple people, and it is their joint responsibility to make it enjoyable. If it’s not enjoyable after a few hours after trying, you shouldn’t date that person in the future. As I have mentioned in my other articles as part of the Guide for Awkward People series, a very easy way to get to know someone (especially if you’re introverted) is to ask them questions about their lives so you can learn new things. That way, you’re showing an interest in them, decreasing awkward silences.
4. It’s okay to have silence in the conversation. Many awkward people are quiet, but I’m the opposite–I’ve been known to impulsively blurt out less-than-appropriate things to consistently fill up spaces in between conversation. Moments of silence can be intimidating and downright scary for awkward people like us, but they can also be moments to gather our thoughts. What I’ve realized these past few years I’ve been in college is that it is a very good sign I am comfortable with someone if I don’t feel the need to talk all the time. If you keep thinking you need to fill the silence while you’re with someone, not only can whatever you blab be used against you but it also impedes you from achieving your end goal of being comfortable with the person you are dating.
5. “What if either one of us embarrasses ourselves and the date ends up being a disaster?” Been there, done that. Worst comes to worst, you don’t have to see them anymore. For instance, let’s say you let out one of those deadly farts so smelly it puts rotten eggs to shame and your date leaves, screaming that they didn’t know a human was physically capable of emitting such a stench. (Just to clarify things, this did not actually happen to me. This is one of my biggest dating fears.) You might have to see them around campus, which is painfully awkward, I must admit. But if you try to seem civil (when you look at them, think of something nice–it could be anything), things won’t be as awkward as you make them out to be. Not only that, but you’ll also seem like the bigger person if they look away in disgust. What’s done is done–they’ve already told all of their friends about it. Laugh about it and move on. There are billions of other people in the world you can make a better impression on.
Hopefully with these pieces of advice I have made the world of dating less scary for you. Good luck and take each date as one step closer to the One.