The holidays are upon us, and as we get ready to travel back home to gather with family and eat good food, these inevitable situations arise…
1. “So, how is college?” – This is the question that every college student dreads to get but inevitably knows will be asked about 100 times– maybe even asked more than once by the same person, if your grandma is as senile is mine. There is really no good way to answer. You end saying an enthusiastic “Great!” while you really mean to say “college is slowly sucking the life out of me, and I want to drop out” but no relative wants to hear that so…
2. There’s that one relative that will want to talk about the election the whole time, and the next thing you know Aunt Ruth and Uncle Larry will be going at it like World War Three while the pumpkin pie is splattered on the floor.
3. Someone will you give you a gift that says Northwestern and not Northeastern. You don’t really want to insult Great Aunt Marge, but what are you going to do with bright purple Willie the Wild Cat Socks?
4. Someone always brings a fruit cake – I hate fruit cake, the word itself is an oxymoron. Fruit and cake should not be in the same sentence. Furthermore, I have never had a good fruitcake, but let’s be real — has anyone?
5. There’s always that one relative that tells really embarrassing stories about you as a kid. He will say, “I remember when you were five years old, and you thought it was so funny to run around naked!” Meanwhile you’re asking yourself, “is this what I was so excited to come home for?”
6. It’s loud. I don’t know about anyone else; but at my family events, it’s like a competition to see who can talk the loudest. Sometimes I want to kindly tell my family to use their inside voices.
7. You always get stuck in a conversation with your uncle who you love but definitely has a screw loose. One minute you’re innocently getting a drink refill at the ice bucket, and the next you’re talking about the apocalypse with Uncle Mike, while discreetly sending signals to your siblings to jump in and help a sister out.
8. Someone always gets drunk and has to be brought to your bedroom to sleep it off. You come all the way home to get a few good night’s sleep in your own bed instead of the cardboard slab they give you at college, and you can’t even enjoy it because Aunt Sally had one sip too many.
9. “So do you have a boyfriend yet?” I get this question every year, and unfortunately it always has the same answer.
10. Black Friday – I’ll let everyone in on a secret called Cyber Monday that occurs right after Black Friday. It’s magical because you can buy millions of things and get free shipping but never have to put on pants or stand in a five hour line.