- The Nostalgic Grandpa
Do you remember the turkey dinner of ’62? Of course you don’t. Good thing Grandpa is here to tell you all about it in excruciating detail, and to explain why everything was better 50 years ago.
2. The Drunken Uncle
He’ll defend the GOP until the cows come home – or at least until he passes out on your couch. If you really want to be entertained, make sure you incorporate some sort of singing/dancing activity into your plans for the night.
3. The Critical Grandma
Can usually be found scrutinizing your figure or asking why you aren’t wearing the sweater she bought you last Christmas. You know Gram means well, but how do you explain that you haven’t brought a guy home yet because your FWB doesn’t want to DTR? Complicated stuff.
4. The football fanatic
Makes periodic appearances at the dinner table during commercial breaks. Later, while everyone else is lying around in a post-turkey comatose state, this person is bouncing around the living room, yelling at the TV. Arguments may ensue, especially if the fanatic comes into contact with the drunken uncle.
5. The Tagalong Cousin
Are you helping yourself to seconds? Taking a nice autumn stroll? Going to the bathroom? So is your cousin. You may get annoyed with him/her, but try to remember that you, too, were someone’s unwanted sidekick at holiday dinners past.
6. The Family Gossip
Is your cousin’s third wife pregnant, or did she just put on weight? Either way, this person will get the whole table speculating. If the presence of older relatives doesn’t automatically deter you from airing your dirty laundry – which it should, by the way – then the threat of being the latest family scandal will.
7. The Person on a Diet
Probably sitting quietly in a corner, throwing furtive glances at those oven-fresh rolls. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT sit next to this person or start a conversation with him/her – unless you want your delicious pile of mashed potatoes reduced to a steaming heap of calories and shame.