A couple of months ago, I’d ventured into dangerous territory – unprotected intercourse with a guy I’d only went on a couple of dates with. Since I’d been out of the dating world for a while, I stopped taking my usual birth control pills. I was comfortable with myself and didn’t think I’d ever risk my health or my future for someone I barely knew.
As the evening went on, I started feeling those familiar sparks I’d often felt in my past relationships, so when he casually invited me ‘hang out’ at his place, I couldn’t refuse. Once he told me he didn’t have any protection, several thoughts rushed through my head. But I impulsively swiped these thoughts out of my mind, faster than I had ever swiped left on Tinder simply because the sparks I’d felt were real.
Once the adrenaline, dopamine, and oxytocin released and left my body completely, those pesky thoughts slowly returned to me, like sobriety to a person waking up from a night of seven jaeger bombs. If he had STDs, it was too late to prevent, so I silently prayed to the universe that that would not be the case. I then turned to the other issue, which I could still counteract. The next morning, I would need to rush to the pharmacy and purchase the morning-after pill.
However, the next day I was bombarded with urgent errands that popped up out of nowhere, so by the time I got to the pharmacy, I was under tremendous stress. I had only taken the morning-after pill once before and that was back in my home country where my boyfriend had purchased it for me. I’d never bought one in the United States before, but I was determined to go and buy it by myself as I felt that we were still on undefined terms as far as a relationship went. But also because, you know, my body, my choice (something that Asian girls are barely ever taught, it’s usually your body, don’t ‘give’ yourself to anyone before marriage).
I walked up to the pharmacist, an older lady who seemed extremely tense and busy, and asked her timidly (shamefully) in an almost inaudible voice, where I could find the ‘Plan B’ pills.
“Aisle six,” I heard the pharmacist say. So, I quickly strolled to aisle six and anxiously fixed my gazed on the shelf. The morning-after pills were nowhere to be found, but many brands of condoms, lubricants, and Viagra proudly presented themselves, shining brighter than diamonds from Rihanna’s infamous song.
I tried to look by myself for 10 minutes because I didn’t want to feel ashamed again for asking for the ‘I-made-a-mistake-pill.’ Once I was absolutely sure it wasn’t there, I dragged my feet back to the pharmacist and asked her again. She repeated the same thing, but louder and annoyed this time, “The Plan B pill is on aisle six.” I explained to her (in a tiny voice) that it wasn’t there and asked if she could show me where it was, being fully aware at this point that people in the long line at the pharmacy were looking at me, and possibly, judging me. As my luck would have it, they had run out of the morning-after pills and dismissively told me to go to another store down the street, which means I would again, have to repeat the embarrassing process.
Suddenly, a question popped into my head. Why do I feel so ashamed of attempting to prevent something that I’m not ready for? An unwanted pregnancy. It’s true that the choice I made was a bit spur of the moment, but the bigger issue here seems to be the mental barrier that society subliminally creates and imposes on girls.
At that moment, I could recall countless stories of my girlfriends telling me about the times they felt so ashamed to buy morning-after pills. A few of them lived in a small town in the United States where everyone knew each other and their mothers. Some lived in Asia, recalling the looks and lectures that they would get from the pharmacist and/or adults around them.
Girls, especially Asian girls (strictly from experience) are taught that sex before marriage is a taboo. We are raised to think that it is wrong to have casual sex, especially with someone who’s not a ‘boyfriend.’ The word ‘easy’ is imprinted on our brains, and the term ‘self-worth’ is measured by how fast you’ll get into bed with a guy.
As I stood there, I thought of a mega-hit Thai teenage series that aired nearly four years ago called “Hormones.” It was a liberal show with real kissing scenes (real kissing on television barely existed up until a couple of years ago), implied sex scenes, and other progressive content, like the British television show “Skins.” But as open-minded as it was, one episode sticks in my memory as clear as the day I watched it.
“Progesterone” is the eighth episode of season one of “Hormones.” It’s an episode where an innocent high school girl name ‘Dao’ (which means stars in English), who often day dreams about romantic relationships, got ‘tricked’ into having unprotected sex with a boy she met at a cram school.
After having ‘had’ her, the boy ‘Din’ (which literally means “dirt” or “soil”), disappeared into thin air. As she struggled to realized how naive she had been, she also had one more problem to solve – an unwanted pregnancy.
When Dao nervously (and fearfully) walked into the pharmacy (wearing her school uniform), a lady pharmacist with a stern look on her face tapped on her shoulder and asked what she was looking for. Once Dao informed her, the pharmacist went into an unsympathetic lecturing mode, “What? you’re still in your school uniform, how dare you have sex,” “Don’t you feel sorry for your parents, acting like this?” “This is appalling, don’t make a crying face, go wait at the counter,” and my personal favorite, “After you take this pill, your period will come in a week, but if it doesn’t, then you can prepare yourself for pregnancy!”
I understand that the show exaggerated a little in terms of acting, but I have personally met several girls in Asia with this kind of experience. Being lectured and judged by pharmacists and/or other adults. Feeling scared and ashamed of having to purchase the plan B pills. Thus, to see the absurdity of what the producing team chose to show in this episode somehow reflects the kind of society that has been socially constructed for girls.
In the episode, Dao became friends with a boy name Din and he started hitting on her. She fantasized about the relationship she would have with him, and gave in to temptation when he snuck into her bedroom late at night. The whole premise of this episode circled around the danger that boys present to girls and the consequences that would ensue if she ‘gives’ herself to him. The rest of the episode basically highlights the consequences of being ‘that girl’ the ‘easy girl,’ yet it also punishes her for being a ‘naive girl,’ for trusting too easily, for devaluing herself. There is no win for girls here.
She was shown struggling and alone, only to be punished with fear, sadness, and the anxiety of having sex for the first time with the wrong boy, and then yelled at by the authoritative figure in the story, the pharmacist, who above all was supposed to guide and provide the solution, which was the morning-after pill.
All of this reflects on the reality of our society – how girls are portrayed, how they should behave, and how ashamed they should feel when purchasing the morning-after pill. While unprotected sex shouldn’t not be treated lightly, getting a pregnancy prevention mechanism also shouldn’t be so difficult.
Yes, I made this bed, and I have to lie in it, but I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for having consensual sexual intercourse, and I shouldn’t have to feel ashamed or feel like it is so difficult trying to prevent something that would alter my course of life forever.
[Feature Image By Pexels]