This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at NCSU chapter.
What is your idea of a grown and developed man? What does the personality profile of that person look like? Is he brooding, dashingly handsome with a strong tendency to sweep women off of their feet and sing show tunes to them as he walks between classes? Does he have a knack for fixing cars and driving motorcycles as he makes his way through campus, causing that familiar excitement that strikes every woman he passes in the general vicinity of their belly button? Is he the guys decked out in N.C. State apparel that is either the most avid supporter of NCSU sports, or he is the one the most avid
supporters of supporting? Or maybe, is he that guy in your class that doesn’t really talk much, but has that look in his eye like he knows exactly who he is and what makes him the man he is? These are some of the questions that we’ll be taking a look at…
First, let’s take a look at some statistics. The likelihood of discovering an emotionally underdeveloped college boy as opposed to a mature college man are about 50:1, based on a statistic that I just made up after my four years plugged into the social network that is North Carolina State University. When you factor in the average college woman’s ability to recognize the Mature College Man in his natural habitat, the chances jump to about 100:1 that the mature man will not find a date in his college career. This means that for every 100 women he comes in contact with on a daily basis, only 1 of them would get the sense to go on a date with him. Of course there are some variables that need to be accounted for, like appearance and ability to carry on a conversation, but the data end up in a normal distribution (thank you ST311) no matter how you slice it. The fact of the matter is that the Mature College Man is out there and severely under represented in social circles.
The next thing that needs to be addressed is understanding the natural habitat and typical behaviors of the Mature College Man so that in your journeys you know where to find him and better recognize him. The Mature College Man is probably involved in a meaningful organization. He may volunteer his time at a local institution, but I have known some of these men who desire bigger and better things, like started an orphanage in Africa, as one example. He most likely cares for his schoolwork and, though he may not make Dean’s list every semester, he will place his work over his social life. That being said, he understands the need for leisure and social activities, so you’ll find that he keeps his friends close. The most important thing to note, however, is that this is a man of impressive moral fiber. While he values all of these things, he would sacrifice the goodwill of a friend in the short-term to better that friend in the long term, and he will do the same for you, should you ever start dating and return the favor for him. He is not afraid to show compassion. He understands what makes a relationship healthy and is honest about most things, though his independence and solitude are priceless to him. When it comes to dating, give him the benefit of the doubt if you have seen him exhibit these qualities.
How do you get a man like that, you might ask? Ask yourself if that is what you really want. Do you want a man that has his priorities straight, a man that knows what he wants? Before you go after him, you better know the answer to that question. Speaking from personal experience (there’s really not going to be any way to make this sound less arrogant), the road to maturity is wrought with a cocktail of failure, rejection, self- reflection, and ultimately the realization that you have a lot to learn. It’s a right of passage that our society, unfortunately, does not require all men to take. Typically, it happens eventually, but I challenge you to go out and meet people and observe all sides of the spectrum; the ones too focused on their own trivial success to care about crediting someone else’s; the ones too focused on which bar their going to tonight or (for those college newbies we all have seen wandering back from frat court) where the easiest place is to score some free beer to care about the “friends” they made while they were basking in the “awesomeness” of getting blackout drunk; and the ones who can’t even muster up the courage to talk to anyone outside who does not appear on a computer screen. Don’t get me wrong, our society has provided a place for all of these people, but that is not what this article is about. If you’ve made it this far, you should be starting to construct in your mind what my point is.
The Mature College Man is not without his flaws, after all, he is only in college, but on the bell curve of 18-22 year-olds, he would be in 2-3 standard deviations from the mean. Remember those questions I asked above? Those are some of the questions a Mature College Man has already asked of himself. He knows who he is and he lets that drive everything he does. He does not get defensive when you challenge who he is in the interest of constructive criticism, but he will defend himself from attacks against what he believes to be truth. The Mature College Man is incompatible with the anyone other than the Mature College Woman, however, in rare instances they have been known to enjoy the company of emotionally immature college women in hopes of their access to Mature College Women but it’s difficult for this relationship to progress beyond friends due to the volatile nature of the emotionally immature college woman’s emotions.
It all comes down to 1) knowing who you are, 2) what you believe in, and 3) the ability to identify incompatibilities in your relationships so that you can either work them out, or have the strength to leave the relationship. The Mature College Man knows this, so if you end up meeting one, be ready to go toe-to-toe; he loves the excitement of meeting the embodiment of his expectations.