“Your word is a lamp unto my feet, a light unto my path” – Psalms 119:105
Growing up in the church as a kid, I used to think of God as a man who lived in the sky and blessed those who love Him. My parents considered themselves as Christians, so I figured I was automatically one too. I used to think my attendance at church was enough for the title and God’s love. Every Sunday I would sit in church and try to listen to my pastor, but I’d eventually zone out or be distracted by my phone. The sermon never seemed relatable, nor was I able to fully understand its meaning. I believed as long as I go to church every Sunday and went to the altar to pray for my family and friends, I was in the clear.
As I grew older and began to encounter life’s obstacles, I found myself occasionally praying to God, and when I did, I asked Him to fix my problems. During this time in my life I only cared about hanging out with my friends and having a good time. I never wanted to be home and would spend most of my weekends at a friend’s house. In school, I was involved in extracurricular activities and making great grades which made my family proud. I felt invincible. Like nothing (and no one) could stop me from doing what I wanted, when I wanted. I figured I was doing enough good things in my life that I believed God would find pleasing.
It wasn’t until my Dad became ill that I began to hear God’s voice. My whole world seemed to shatter all around me. I felt broken. Immediately, I clung to my friends for support and confide in them instead of my family, and most importantly, God. I was so angry at the world and wanted to escape it any way I could. One night as I was praying through tears, begging God to bring order into my life, I felt a shift in my spirit. The words “Let Go” rang through my soul. Without a second thought and with all my heart, I said “Yes, Lord.”
I knew then I had to let go of the pain, resentment, and anger I carried within me. I had to let go of my bad habits. I had to let go of friends who I thought were good for my well-being, but only held me back. Most importantly, I had to believe that the things I freed myself from was for a greater purpose, God’s purpose.
Please understand, this transition didn’t happen overnight.
I’ve had to gradually break myself down and allow God to rebuild me. To accept things for what they are and welcome Him into areas of my life that made me uncomfortable. To be honest with myself and those around me. My Christ journey hasn’t been easy but it’s been nothing less than amazing. Since then (back in high school) to now (as a college student), I’ve grown spiritually and mentally. God has replaced all the things I’ve surrendered with love, humility, and amazing friends. I have better judgment, a happier spirit, and a clear direction of my future. Each day I try to take time out to pray and read Bible scriptures. I’ve also been given the role as a Bible study leader on my campus. As I travel along my path, I’m learning and striving to become a better Christian woman that God has set out for me to be.