In a society full of women’s marches that behold signs reading, “Girl Power!” with uterus imagery and other feminine features in pretty pink cursive writing, femininity is still, traditionally, frowned upon. From our language to our desirable partner, masculinity reins over femininity in multiple areas. But why? A man is the human embodiment of masculinity while a woman is the human embodiment of femininity, according to psychology. But, our psyche includes both masculine and feminine counterparts, some even a little more than the other. This is especially demonstrated in children, who easily switch between aggression, sensitivity, competition, and empathy. It is when these become too unbalanced, however, and we begin to shame the feminine side, that we create an issue.
(Photo by roya ann miller on Unsplash)
Masculinity is defined as the possession of the qualities traditionally associated with men, and femininity is the same except with qualities associated with women. Personality traits deemed as masculine typically include competitiveness, assertion, and strength while physical traits include being muscular, ‘male’ clothes, and short hair. Thoughtfulness, beauty, and sensuality are considered to be on the feminine spectrum of traits. Beauty, objectively speaking, encompasses dress, makeup, beauty routines, and overall appearance. While there is nothing wrong with seeking out either side of the masculinity-femininity spectrum, the problem lies within hypermasculinity in males and erasure of feminine (femme) lesbians, or “lipstick lesbians.”
Hypermasculinity occurs when there is an exaggeration of stereotypical male behavior that includes aggression, strength, and sexuality. We raise boys to believe they cannot cry or show emotion, but that aggression and violence is acceptable because “boys will be boys.” We tell girls to keep their legs crossed because it’s “ladylike,” but there’s little stigma or judgment towards boys who openly discuss sex. It is this masculinity that reins over feminine traits because, apparently, it’s better to “man up” and act out aggressively rather than showing compassion and healthy expressions of emotion.
On the other hand, the search for masculine traits even occurs in communities where men are not involved. The most stereotypical lesbian is the masculine one with short hair, no makeup, and traditionally men’s clothing (flannel, obviously). It is here where the femme lesbian is faded out. These are girls who simply showcase traditionally feminine qualities, long hair, makeup, etc. while also being attracted to girls. They easily pass for straight because of society’s stereotypes for how gay women should look and act. “You’re too pretty to be a lesbian” or “You don’t look like a lesbian” or “So, who’s the man in the relationship?” are common phrases told to these girls. Even in a relationship purely made up of women, society still plugs in the desire for masculine attributes.
By breaking down these stereotypes, the hypermasculine male and the masculine lesbian, society can begin lowering the need of masculinity by building up the need of femininity. Like our psyche intended to, creating a balance between the two can provide a healthy showcase of both power and strength with emotion and sensibility.