Hi. My name’s Simon. I am a man. And I’m the first to admit, I’ve got a lot to learn about what it means to be a good feminist. For myself and other men, sometimes there are a few challenges inherent in that goal. Here are a few I’ve encountered, and the ways I work to overcome them.
1. Remember that you’re fighting for all women.
That’s right. All women. This honestly shouldn’t even have to be a reminder, but it does help to have sight of the goal, so here it is. You’re not fighting for just the women you find sexually attractive. You’re not fighting for women just when it’s convenient. You’re fighting for all women all the time, of any race or religion, size, or sexual identity. You’re fighting for marginalized trans women. And you need to stand up for them wherever you are. Which leads me to my next point…
2. You don’t need to have a single woman in your life or even in close proximity to need to be a feminist.
We see it all the time. Something tragic involving women happens, and men chime in, “as a [father, brother, son, husband,] I am devastated, shocked,” etc. I know where the intention lies with that statement. They’re trying to say that even though they are not women, they empathize with the victim because they have women in their lives. This sentiment falls short, however, because they should be empathizing with these women just because they are their fellow humans. I’ll say it again. You could have been adopted by two gay men, have all male siblings, and still have every reason you need to be a feminist. Which leads again into my next point:
3. Feminism makes everyone’s lives better.
Feminism is a lot of things, but at its core, it is never exclusive. It benefits everyone. It doesn’t just make women safer and more powerful in our society, it makes femininity more accessible, as it should be. For any man who can now safely occupy a traditionally female-dominated position, you have gained from feminism just as much as any woman who can now be in a traditionally male-dominated position. Remember that.
4. Male-dominated spaces need your voice.
This is something I still struggle with, and I’m not afraid to admit that. But, as it often happens, you’ll be hanging with your other male friends, and one of them will make a misogynistic joke, or something of the like. Social pressure encourages you to laugh awkwardly. Maybe never speak up. Don’t do that. Let your friends know it’s not okay to make jokes like that around you. Privately speak with them about why they aren’t okay. And believe me when I say, if your friend can’t respect both your wishes, and women, they aren’t worth your companionship.
5. Finally, know that “respect women” is not just a meme.
It’s a lifestyle. It’s a way you conduct yourself. It’s something we all need to do, and through the hard work of lots of women (and men), we’ve come a long way. And we’ve still got a long way to go. Feminism needs all the voices it can get. Call your representatives. Fight for your fellow citizens, not just of your country, but of your world.