A lot of our time is dedicated to being the best we can possibly be. We want to be smarter, prettier, more fit, and countless other things. We do this all in the name of “self improvement,” but does that mean who we are now isn’t good enough?
When it comes to school many students define their success or failure only by the letter grades they receive. As if their only worth is their grades, not their actual intelligence. I have a roommate that is committed to getting all A’s. There’s nothing wrong with having lofty goals, but in trying to achieve this goal she continues to tear herself apart. She doesn’t understand that she is still an intelligent and valuable human being in the face of her failures. She beats herself up about it, blaming herself for not studying hard enough or long enough.
No grade should ever make someone feel worthless. Instead of looking at a bad grade as a failure, my roommate needs to look at what she learned, look at all the other times which she got good grades and how valuable she still is. The disappointment in herself creates loads of stress and anxiety in her life. This prompts her to skip sleeping to study more.
There’s nothing wrong with being proud of yourself when you fail. Punishing yourself by dwelling on your failure and feeling undeserving of happiness is not the way to handle things. Life is filled with failures, and life must go on. You need to be able to bounce back from your failures, not cut off all the things in your life that give you joy.
Many of the girls and guys I know are the hardest on themselves when it comes to their looks. I’ve only had one friend in my short 18 years of life who was truly confident in how she looked. She would be able to look in the mirror and tell herself she looks good (even though her eyeshadow was literally all over her face). But what I learned from her is that loving the way you look makes you a much happier person overall. She didn’t care about the blackheads on her nose or the stretch marks on her hips. She was beautiful because she saw herself as beautiful.
I am guilty of negative self talk. I am never able to call myself pretty or smart. I’m constantly beating myself up, comparing myself to people who I think are so much better than me. This leads me to underestimate who I really am. If I think I’m stupid, I will be stupid. If I think I’m hideous, I will appear to be much less attractive. These things are self fulfilling prophecies. The only way you can ever be your best possible self is by actually believing you are. You have to be able to get up every day knowing you are successful and amazing.
You can never, EVER, let anyone or anything get in the way of the beautiful, healthy relationship you have with yourself.