When I am interested in someone, but not sure how serious I want to be, I ask them about Hillary Clinton. I’ve found that what a person thinks about Hillary Clinton reflects much more about them than it does about her.
Clinton is my own romantic Rorschach test that I use whenever I am trying to discern a person’s views on women. The Rorschach test was developed in 1960’s by Hermann Rorschach. It is a psychological test in which the subject’s perception of inkblots is recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation. The inkblots, much like Hillary Clinton could be a myriad of things, but what the person sees gives the researcher insight into their own personality.
To some, Hillary Clinton is a “corrupt ball-buster,” or “not my favorite candidate, but I really admire her work for children’s rights,” or my all time favorite, “Hillary. Clinton. Is. God” (which, to be honest, has only been said by me). While the intricacies of Hillary Clinton’s policies are interesting, the most revelatory information can be gleaned from the inflammatory comments regarding Hillary herself. I have come to the realization that it is simply not worth it to become involved, romantically or otherwise, with those who view Hillary Clinton as a “corrupt ball-buster.” This tells you that you need to get out ASAP, because this person clearly does not respect women, and believes that this power is achieved at the cost of morality. Worst of all, they probably have a fragile, fragile male ego.
The unfortunate truth is that, even the most woke of cis-gender men, simply do not understand the lived experience of being a woman. It is important to find partners who are both respectful of you and also cognizant of the stigmatization of women and other marginalized identities, especially when they desire power.
This is why it is important to employ some form of a Rorschach test in order to discern your potential partner’s views on all marginalized identities. Black feminist scholars have written extensively about the theory of “post colonial love,” which delves into the complications in relationships between marginalized identities and cis-gender, white men amid the history of racial and gender violence. It is so important to engage in relationships with people who will at least be willing to listen and respect your various intersecting identities, even when it is uncomfortable for them.
I once dated a guy who was a self ascribed “liberal humanist.” Despite his philosophical prowess, he found tenets of feminism, cultural appropriation, and ableism to be tiresome. He believed that we should all get past these identity politics in order to celebrate our shared humanity. While this sentiment was hastily and mistakenly ignored by me at the beginning of our quasi-relationship, I later realized how impossible it is to ignore the violence into our communities, and how important it is to celebrate difference. These issues are not meant to be easy or comfortable to discuss.
Before dating someone, I highly suggest asking them an illuminating question regarding Hillary Clinton, or another divisive figure in order to discern whether or not they are someone who is respectful, empathetic, and willing to hold themselves accountable even when it’s difficult.