As collegiates of the twenty-first century, we’ve carved ourselves out to be some of the most goal driven, hardworking, and independent generations since the power suit women of the 80s – aka our moms. But now that graduation is closing in for many of us, we’ve left with the question of what to do about our living situations – especially with a significant other. While we are particularly attached to our boyfriends through college, there’s no denying that things will change once the real adult world kicks in and starts throwing us for all sorts of loops. But here’s some sage advice for navigating our way through the tricky mess of deciding whether living with your boyfriend is the best idea – or whether you should just suck it up and stay with you parents s for a little while longer.
Cost Effective vs. Defective:
While living with someone else is definitely the cheapest route to go when you’re simultaneously trying to balance loan payments and food bills, weigh the options with your boyfriend before making the major step. If it seems you’re both on an even page, then go for it – as in, don’t let him convince you he’ll cook and clean while you’re out working all day, or vice versa. A healthy adult relationship in which you both share a roof is only managed by give and take. If you’re both going to live in the same place, you need to both equally contribute money as well as your time and effort into making it a happy dwelling place for you both to want to come home to. If it seems like either yourself, or your significant other won’t be pulling their weight, maybe it’s a step in the opposite direction.
You Time:
Having someone around that loves and cares for you is great, especially when you’ve had yet another fight with your boss and you’re at a breaking point with a job that’s less than what your major guaranteed you. It can be quite a relieving feeling to come home to cry on someone else’s shoulder and know that it’ll all be okay in the end. But what about those days where you just need you time, and your space? Living together could prohibit that in the long run. Think of it this way: even when you and your boyfriend spent what felt like all the time in the week together, you’d eventually go back to your respective dorms/houses and got quiet time to yourself, even if it was just to sleep. With another person, there’s always someone around, and the question to ask yourself is do I really need designated alone time, or can I share a space with others at all times?
Quirks and Habits:
Like any married couple, or couple that has already moved in together, they can tell you that you’ll learn ever tick, every habit, every quirk about the person, and it’ll either make you love them or hate them even more. This is a large risk when moving in with your boyfriend, as they’ll be no hiding the days where you forgot to shave, and he’ll feel no need to be suave and chivalrous all the time. If you feel you’ve made it to the point in your relationship to explore every possible facet of each other, then moving in together is the best and most comfortable environment to do that.
The Future:
There’s no denying that moving in together is a serious step, one that almost implies that things will continue to stay serious until they reach one of two ends: a proposal, or a breakup. It’s an inevitable end that you need to be fully aware of before moving in together. Do you see yourself staying with your boyfriend on a long term basis? Does he?
As *Martin, a Montclair State senior who’s experienced both short term and long term relationships advised: “The way I see it, moving in with your significant other is a new experience in a relationship. It presents a whole new list of advantages and disadvantages. It is not inherently a good or bad thing for a relationship. Like many aspects of a relationship, it depends on how you approach it, and handle the obstacles and benefits it presents. It can be great, or terrible. Always be ready to communicate thoroughly with your partner, otherwise, it could get rough.”
*names changed to protect individuals
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