“Love at first sight” is an old saying that has been used for when people describe their relationships or tell their stories. Yet when looking into the actual meaning of the phrase, it reveals itself to be… well… sort of impossible.
First of all, we have to consider what our definition of love is. But love is one of those terms that can’t be so easily defined. In general, it’s easy to love people, but to actually be romantically in love with “the one” is harder to figure out. Infatuation at first sight seems like a much more valid explanation for the way people feel after seeing the “love of their life” for the first time. But true love comes afterward.
We’ve all seen those movies with the cheesy scene where two people stare into each other’s eyes, but does that actually equate to instantly being in love with them? In fairy tales, princes and princesses get married after only knowing each other for a day or even less. But that’s not how it generally works in the real world. If love at first sight was actually a valid explanation, then there would be no need to even date because it’s true love, right?
People say that as your relationship continues to grow in life, so does your love for one another. So if love at first sight is real, then it is only the bare minimum of love that you can have for that person, because you really don’t even know them yet. Once you start to learn about their personality, what they like or dislike, and who they are is when the true love starts to unfold.
I’m not saying that you can’t fall in love with someone very quickly, but immediately seems to be more of a stretch. A psychological experiment by Arthur Aronincludes 36 personal questions that couples can ask each other to see if they will fall in love. An article by the New York Times describes a story where a couple tried out this experiment themselves and ending up falling for each other within those few hours. These questions allowed them to learn about each other in depth without having just the surface level conversations that couples generally start out with. The experiment wasn’t the only reason that they had feelings for each other, but opening up helped them move the relationship along quicker.
There is no time minimum when falling for someone, but relying on that “first sight” to be the cause of love doesn’t seem to make sense. Love has to be something more than physical appearance and an introduction. Our personalities, values and actions play a much bigger part in who we are and what we love about one another. Those are characteristics that take a little more effort to understand, and can’t be known merely at first sight.