The show started off with a clip from the “local Charlotte news station.” It was about how the town is “so excited” to host The Bachelorette and bring worldwide attention to Charlotte. Did you guys think this was real or staged? I’m on the fence in regards to how real it was, but not in regards to the fact that it was cheesy. It was.
It was neat to see Emily interacting with her mom friends about her upcoming dates. Usually, we don’t see anyone from The Bachelorette’s real life until the last episode when her final two meet her family and friends. But really though, those soccer moms can probably take out any dude that hurts Emily. I would NOT want to get on that pack’s bad side.
First Date: Ryan the Personal Trainer
Before Ryan’s date there was a classic “pool montage” that involved many shots of the guys shirtless. It wouldn’t be a Bachelor/ette episode without this classic ploy to boost ratings. Oh, and of course Kalon had to throw in some snarky comments about Ryan getting the first date. Go home already!
Emily’s choice of date? Solid. Ryan was the guy that had the cute “You’re Beautiful” first impression. As far as the 5 minutes of footage I’ve seen of Ryan goes, he seems to have genuine intentions. Ah, such is reality TV.
The start of the date? How cool! Instead of some grand ballroom/helicopter-esque date, they went to her house and baked cookies to bring to her daughter’s soccer game. It was the most real date I’ve ever seen on The Bachelorette. If Emily finds love that lasts, I think it can be attributed to the real life atmosphere the producers are creating on the show.
The dinner?* Wow. Emily came guns blazing with some serious questions. She clearly means business and isn’t putting up a front for good television. Props to Emily for being upfront about what she wants and what she is afraid of. My favorite part was when she said she wanted a guy to be in charge while still knowing in the back of his head that Emily was actually the one in charge. Emily certainly seems able to rule the roost without being overbearing. I sort of wonder if she’s putting too much out there too soon, but at the same time she has Ricki on the line so I understand her reasoning.
*Is it just me or was Emily’s dress actually dark pink, not in fact red like Ryan said? Not a big deal, but my nitpicky-ness couldn’t help but say “Pink!” out loud when he said her dress was red…
In short, Ryan got a rose. They had a flirty back-and-forth about Ryan being up for pursuing Emily and then they danced while Gloriana performed (not as real as the beginning of their date, but hey, it’s the Bachelorette after all).
The Group Date
Three Words: Tony’s Muppets Impression. Sigh.
But I digress; I thoroughly enjoyed having the Muppets be a part of the first group date. The guys were charged with putting on a Muppet-inspired variety show.
Everything was going smoothly and Miss Piggy was making me chuckle. And then, all of the sudden, Charlie looked like he was about to lose his lunch at the prospect of participating in the comedy section of the show.
At first, I was thinking “Aw, come on, you signed up to be on reality TV, you should’ve seen this coming!” But then I felt bad when he explained to Emily that he has trouble speaking due to injuries he sustained from a previous accident. Good for Charlie for still participating in the date? If I were any of those guys, I would become a hot mess once I saw a camera on me, let alone be on a stage in front of the Muppets.
Here are thoughts on the actual show:
1. How did they get all of those people to attend this?
2. When I saw Ricki in the crowd I was thinking, “How crazy would it be if your mom was on the Muppets show?!” Or dating multiple guys…
3. Charlie was about to lose it on the stage. He somehow ended up in a question and answer segment of the show even though he said he would have trouble speaking on stage? But he did okay. And then Emily said that watching the show made her feel like a “proud mama.” Awkward.
4. Emily’s sparkly pink skirt was super cute.
And then the rest of the date happened.
And the guys got dramatic.
First quote that made me chuckle: “I’ve been tossing and turning in my top bunk bed!” (as Chris talked to Emily about how he was anticipating seeing her again)
Emily is seriously crushing on Jef. And she wants Jef to like her back. She made it very clear to him that she was checking him out on the regular all throughout the date. And I will admit, he’s growing on me. He seems nice and interesting. He just needs to add a second F to his name. They slow danced together and Charlie got catty and made fun of it. Not cool, bro. She clearly likes the slow dancing and if Charlie and the guys can’t dig it, forget ‘em.
The second quote that made me chuckle: “I’ll be honest, I’ve never had to compete for the attention of the woman.” (Kalon. Obviously.)
The third quote that made me chuckle: “If there was a girl like you in Texas, I wouldn’t need to be here.” (Kalon again.) It’s cute that he thinks he can land a girl like Emily.
The fourth quote that made me chuckle: “I’m just a little more eloquent in how I conduct myself.” (Guess who?)
Luckily, Kalon and Stevie got into it and it made for great TV.
The rose went to….Jef! Good choice, Emily.
Second Date: Joe
Joe needs to get a haircut or use less gel.
Joe met Emily at the airport and they jetted off to West Virginia, Emily’s home state. I don’t remember much about what they talked about when they got there because they were driving around in an awesome vintage car. (What kind is that? How do I get one?)
They went to the “very fancy” Greenbriar, a luxury resort and shopping place. Again, I wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying because I was too busy looking at the awesome pool they jumped in.
And then the footage cut back to Kalon, who was getting into it with Doug by claiming that Doug “put being a dad on hold.” Drama.
Back to Emily in a fluffy pink dress. She was all dressed up for a serious dinner at Greenbriar. At dinner, Joe put himself out there by saying that he wanted to come back to Greenbriar with Emily and Ricki to meet her parents. It failed.
Emily shed her first serious tears of the season as she began to tell Joe that he wasn’t the guy for her. The sparks weren’t flying and she didn’t feel that they fit in each other’s lives. I’m with Team Emily on this. They aren’t meant to be if I’m more into watching the scenery on their date than listening to their conversation.
Off he went.
The Cocktail Party
Emily’s time with Arie was sweet. They seemed to have good conversation. He made her nervous, which so far is a good sign that Emily likes someone.
Ryan gave Emily a letter that he poured his heart into…. And, Tony stood next to them and listened to the whole thing as he waited for his turn with Emily. He looked incredibly uncomfortable and it was a good reminder to the audience of how bizarre these circumstances are.
Afterwards, Tony shared with Emily that he also is a parent and has a young son. They now have something in common, which could possibly help their relationship in the long run.
Emily! Kalon doesn’t seem older than 2!. He seems more like negative 7. The fact that Emily had to ask, “What do you think makes a girl worthy of a serious shot with Kalon?” Making me gag. Jon/John had a good line that backed up my feelings about Kalon: “If you have Louis Vuitton luggage and you’re a dude you’re a (expletive).”
The Rose Ceremony
Kalon got the first rose. And thus, this season’s villain was officially born.
Michael. With the long hair. But it was ponytail-style this time.
Stevie, the one who moonwalked up to Emily and looks creepier by the minute.
Emily got rid of some unmemorable guys and is excited to spend another weekend getting to know y’all. Next week Emily DEFINITELY gets her first kiss (spoiler alert: it’s French). And, obviously, more drama happens and some guys get pissed off-looking. How exciting!