To My Unfaithful Ex,
It took some time, but I’ve come to terms with what you did and the choices you made that ended our relationship. When I found out that you cheated on me, I was hysterical. I was heartbroken. I blamed myself. I even tried to be okay with it for about a second before I realized that you were the problem, not me. I was faithful, you weren’t. I cared about you, you clearly didn’t care enough about me. It was your fault, not mine.
The initial shock I felt soon turned into an aching pain. After a while that pain became a sort of numbness that took me over. Eventually that numbness morphed itself into anger, and lots of it. I was angry at the choices you made, but you also opened my eyes to the kind of person you really were. I appreciate you for that. I will never refer to your infidelity as a mistake like you claim it was, even after all this time. A mistake is an accident. Your cheating was a choice. You don’t “accidentally” cheat on someone, whether you’re sober or not.
When I found out about your dirty little secret, you told me that you still loved me. That wasn’t true. If you really love someone, hurting them in ways that are unimaginable is not an option. Your act of cheating was difficult enough to get through, but accepting that every “I love you” wasn’t genuine when all of mine were, was, without a doubt, the hardest part of the process.
Looking back at our time together, there were signs that I should’ve paid more attention to. But that’s the thing, I shouldn’t have had to be curious about the signs I can see now because that’s what being in a trusting relationship is like: I shouldn’t have to wonder. Cross-examining every move your partner makes isn’t healthy and doesn’t display the trust needed to maintain a lasting relationship. I hate that I had trouble trusting people after our relationship. I couldn’t help but start to question everything I was told by every partner after you. I can’t say that I regret our relationship, though, and I never will. We had some great times together. I learned a lot about both love and heartbreak, and you knew every little detail about me. Unfortunately, all of those happy memories we shared are tainted by your actions.
I’ve started to forget the moments we spent together, but how our relationship ended is something that time will not erase. Growing up, we’re always told to “forgive and forget,” but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t apply those ideals to the situation you created. How could I forgive someone who had no problem hurting me so deeply and forget that the entire event had even occurred? This haunted me in the months following our breakup until I realized: You still had control over me. This was my defining moment.
Now I can confidently say I’ve moved past it. I thought getting over you would be the hard part, but forgiving you is an entirely different challenge in itself. It’s one that I’m proud to say I conquered. For awhile, I didn’t think you deserved my forgiveness, but that’s changed. Now I can see that holding onto the anger I had towards you wasn’t healthy and without forgiving, you still had control over me. You deserve my forgiveness, but you don’t deserve my time and attention anymore. You made a choice, and you need to come to terms with it, just like I did. I don’t blame you anymore, and I no longer see myself as a victim of the choices you made. I’m stronger than that now.
In a weird way, I thank you. This situation was one of the hardest things I’ve encountered in my life, but it’s also one that changed me for the better. I refuse to ever be in that state of weakness again. It felt like you shattered my entire world in one night, which is what I applaud you for. You indirectly made me into a stronger, more independent and forgiving person. I was angry with you, but that anger is now nonexistent. You’ve shown me how to forgive and forget just like we’re taught growing up. I took the steps I needed to in order to put this behind me (no matter how small those steps were) and I came out the other side, a smarter, better person. The day I refused to continue to be your victim was the day I became myself again. Forgiving you means you no longer have any control over my life.
I wish you the best.
Sincerely,
Your ex that doesn’t need you anymore