While every lesbian’s experience is unique, there are a few things that we collectively experience. Sometimes, when people find out I’m gay, I’m met with a hailstorm of questions that make me want to groan for days. Instead of bombarding your token lesbian friend with questions, read these 10 things lesbians want you to know.
1. Stop asking us who wears the pants in the relationship.
Preferably, no one’s wearing pants. Relationships don’t need traditional gender roles in order to thrive. When people ask us who’s the man in the relationship, our eyes roll into the back of our heads. There is no man…that’s the whole point.
2. If you don’t understand how lesbian sex works, we’re concerned for you.
The penis isn’t the only magical thing on this earth that can get the job done.
3. Lesbian bars in Minneapolis are dying out and we’re really sad about it.
Something about riding a giant penis at the Gay ’90s just doesn’t do it for us.
4. We’re not gay because we haven’t met the right guy yet or we had our heart broken by a dude.
I didn’t abandon hope on a whole gender because of a bad heartbreak or because I wasn’t having good luck. I don’t need a man to “show me” what a real relationship looks like. I don’t need to “try again” or give this guy a chance because he’s magically so much better than the rest. I know there are so many wonderful men out there, and I’m so happy for all the lovely women who get to be with them. I’m just not one of them.
5. We REALLY REALLY REALLY want more lesbians in shows and movies.
I have no interest in watching Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper make out AGAIN.
6. Lesbian porn is not accurate. At all.
No lesbian is slapping anyone else’s vagina and we’re definitely not wearing six inch stilettos. We’re probably in sweat pants with really hairy legs with The L Word on, tbh. Oh and scissoring doesn’t look like a kid mashing two Barbies together.
7. No matter how hard you try to hit on me at a bar, I’m still gay.
The amount of drinks you offer me doesn’t change my sexuality. Learn what “no” means and walk away, bro.
8. We don’t care that you could “never be with a girl.”
9. Our longest standing argument is whose strand of hair it was.
10. There is no “one way” to be a lesbian. We don’t all fit your stereotype.
How we choose to present ourselves doesn’t necessarily speak to our sexality, and that goes for everyone, not just lesbians. Feminine women may not be straight, and more masculine or androgynous women may not be gay. Don’t assume a woman is gay because she chooses to express herself in a non-traditional way and don’t assume a man is straight because he likes video games and beer. In fact, don’t assume anything about anyone; gender, sexuality, or anything else. It’s their identity to disclose and express whenever and however they want to.