This past semester of college has been tough for me. I am at the point where all of my “easy” general education classes are complete, and I am immersed in the hectic world of finishing my college career, all the while trying to find a job and a place to live. Not to mention attempting to balance my academics with my social life, health, sanity, family, and overall wellbeing. Life has been tough to say the least. Through everything though I have come to peace with the fact that it is okay to put myself first.
I have always been the kind of person who puts other people’s needs before my own. Whether it is helping a friend through a break up, working collaboratively on projects even though I could complete them quicker by myself, or just saying “yes” to anything my friends need. I like helping people because it is gratifying to see them happy and watch them succeed. After awhile though, I started thinking about if I was happy and if I was succeeding at what I was doing in life.
After some long internal battles, I decided I needed to reevaluate some things in my life. The first step in this process was to reevaluate how I was treating myself. I had grown so accustomed to putting others needs before my own it was difficult for me to focus and think about what I needed. However, I slowly began to say “no” to more things and the more I did this, the quicker I felt myself relax. I finally had some space to myself to think and to breathe. This was something I needed and something I definitely missed.
I got lost in this trap where I thought it would be selfish of me to to think about myself before others. There is always a negative connotation around the word “selfish” and it is something I would never want to be described by. Luckily, I discovered there can be a healthy balance to simultaneously being selfish and selfless. To me, being selfish is acceptable when I am so run down and burnt out that I tell my friends, “Hey, I know I said I would go out tonight, but I am honestly tired and need some time to relax.” Being selfish is knowing my limits and not pushing myself past them. I put myself first. It can be scary at times, but I have learned that life can wait. It will not be the end of the world if I get a B in a class instead of an A because I went to bed at 11pm instead of 3am trying to finish a paper that will ultimately not effect the quality of my work at my future career. What is more important and what is greater than the stress I put myself through is how I take care of myself. If I do not first think of myself, there is not way I can effectively be selfless and be there for my friends and my family when they need me.
I want to challenge you to think about yourself. Are you happy or are you overwhelmed? Do you enjoy getting up everyday or are you constantly counting down the hours until you can crawl back into bed at night? If you aren’t doing what is best for yourself, who else will? I once read a quote that has always stuck with me, it said, “You can change the way people treat you by changing the way you treat yourself.” If you are respectful and kind with yourself, then other people will sense this and reciprocate those same actions. Some days this will not be as easy to do, some people may not understand, but it is necessary and it is worth it. I learned that I would rather lose some friends who did not accept me than lose some sleep over worrying about things that are out of my control. Be confident in who you are, and never be ashamed for putting yourself first!
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